Good Bye Sweetie.

Well, I lost a dog this weekend. I didn’t lose him-he had to be put to sleep. That sucks SO bad. It was awful for me to see He was 14 and except for the occasional running off when he was younger, he was a wonderful dog. He couldn’t walk anymore, he couldn’t get up to go potty. I had to carry him outside and hold him. The vet said the dogs have 3 vital things that keep them going, they eat, drink and play. If you take anyone of those away-their quality of life is gone. Champ had not played in a long time…

My sister says my blog is disgusting and vulgar. She doesn’t get out much…I am kidding-she yells at me every time I swear when we are on the phone-but it was okay when SHE was doing it…sorry N…oops, I was ALSO instructed NOT to use her name. Blah, blah, blah.

Since I lived in the south for 21 years I can say that all of this is true!
Thanks for the joke Dad…

Things I've learned about The South…

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in The South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in The South, plus acouple that nobody has seen before.

Squirrels will eat anything.

Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh a picnic.

People actually grow and eat okra.

"Fixinto" is one word.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper.

"Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it whenyou're two.

"Backards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

Since Rusty was from South Georgia-I heard a lot of this language in my time and they used to call me Yankee with their voices full of hate...well not Rusty. He knew better. They were super nice when they were drunk on the 3 dollar a case beer though.

So True

A man in his 40's goes in for a physical.
The doctor says "I have good news and I have bad news.
"The man says, "Give me the bad news first."
Doc says, "There is a problem with your penis, you can only get a few more erections, and then you won't have any more for the rest of your life."
The man says, "What in the world is the good news?"
Doc says, "We know the number is exactly 25, so you can plan your use of them accordingly."
The man leaves and drives around for a couple hours pondering his situation, and how to confront his wife.
When he gets home he tells her, "Honey, I have good news, and I have bad news."
She says, "Give me the good news." He says, "I can only have 25 more erections, and then I can't have any more, ever."
She says, "We can work around that, we will just make a list and only use them when it is absolutely necessary to fulfill our desires, and make the most out of each one, what in the world is the bad news?
"He says, "I made a list, and you aren't on it.."

Okay, this is the first shuttle launch that I have missed since 1983. I lived right across from KSC. It was weird to watch it on television and not to be outside experiencing it as usual. Then they have this to say…

Also, NASA video revealed what appeared to be a sizable piece of material — maybe a chunk of insulation — coming off the shuttle's external fuel tank two minutes into flight. It did not strike the orbiter that carries the seven astronauts, the NASA manager said. Other agency footage showed covers flying off Discovery's thrusters — something expected to happen.

Rusty-my ex love-has worked at the space center on the OHMS pods since 1990 and when they do their first ohms burn when they are out of earths atmosphere-the covers come off of the thrusters. It was weird to read that because when it would go up when he was still at home, we would wait to hear on NASA TV when they did the burn. I just felt like sharing…

My daughter pretends that she is talking on the phone…She picks up the extension, acts like she is dialing and then talks to her “My Scene” friends. Man, is this how it is going to be soon? Her calling people up and me having to wrestle the phone away from her to dial 911 when I set the kitchen a blaze trying to make her dinner? Welcome to my nightmare…

We went out on Saturday boating with my mom and her friends. Now, Max, my little girl is afraid of her Raggedy Ann doll, opening her eyes underwater, broccoli and the dark, but will jump off a fairly large boat like a flying squirrel into the lake that she never has been in before with only a life vest. WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. THAT? Speaking of afraid of the dark…last night when we went to be I told her to go get in her bed and I would be right up. When I turned everything off and went to the stairs, I came around corner she was standing in the dark. I almost ran right into her and I jumped, screamed, and almost peed in my pants. She jumped when I screamed and said to me “I was afraid to go and turn on the light” But yet she is standing in the dark waiting to scare the crap outta me because I was not expecting her to be there! Guess you had to be there.

Reason Number One Why To Not Have Sex And Tape It

Soooooo, I think I am probably pregnant…yeah, and I think it is my buddy in Florida that did it. I think I am going to tell him that since we have been talking about sex…Seriously…I have not had my period since the beginning of May. My Mom is telling me to go to the doctor. I am not going! I do not need them poking me just to say it is nothing. I will just say I am going through “the change.” Maybe that is why I think that the 20 something guys up here are too cute. I want to put them in my pocket and bring them home with me and teach them a few serious life lessons that every young man should know. Just call me Ms. Robinson. I think it is because of “the change.” Don’t I get a mid-life crisis too now? So, I get a hot young boy toy to please me or a really hot car…or is that just for men? Damn, they have all of the fun, hot cars, WAY younger significant others and they can write their name in the snow. But then again if I decide that I want to go commando-I don’t have to worry about zipping up my reproductive organ in my zipper-mine is all tucked up neatly inside. Where am I going with this? I have no clue-I know I am not pregnant, just a little freaked about no period.
Speaking of sex, guess who got caught on tape doing “it” now…Sex, lies, and videotape...

Colin Ferrell is suing a woman for allegedly trying to distribute and profit from a sex tape he says the two recorded with the agreement they would never make it public.
The lawsuit filed Monday in Superior Court seeks general and compensatory damages as well as a temporary restraining order and injunction prohibiting the sale and exploitation of the videotape.
Farrell, 29, accuses Nicole Narain of trying to distribute the tape through an intermediary. The two had an intimate relationship 2 1/2 years ago and both agreed that the 15-minute tape that shows the couple having sex would be jointly owned by them and would remain private, according to the suit.

Come on man…Did NOBODY learn their lesson from Paris Hilton? I guess this was taped before and now that she saw the money the guy that taped he and Paris doing "it" got, this chick is jumping on the money bandwagon! People, they will do anything for a buck. Makes me sad I never screwed a star and taped it. Well, not really, I can not imagine a family member of mine watching me have sex on tape. Gross.

Funny Story-
Maxine hade the sidewalk chalk out and made a picture in the driveway for me…If it would not have rained last night-I would have had a picture of it. It said
“My momys ass pretty ass ________” ßinsert purple and yellow chalk flower. AWWWWWWW.

Silly Answers To Serious Questions

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins
"Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytalebegins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Thong undies for big men...Okay then...

Alright then...This picture speaks for itself...YUCK. I do not get wrestling much less Sumo wrestling...Good God this is just wrong...

Just Checking

Okay, so when are they going to make a movie out of someone’s life because of their Blog??? I do have bets that it will be Heathers blog…The fierce debate sparked by her sacking in 2002 led to the term Dooced being used to mean losing one's job because of one's website. I have only been reading it for a while now and I just crack up. I am very new to the blog thing and I got started because of the gigglechick website. I was reading for about 2 years now and never commented on it-then she was telling someone off in one of her posts and said if you are here to leave a comment-please make your own website so she can comment back-well here I am now and it is so amazing-this whole thing…and people are getting fired for them.
Oh well, it is paving the way for us little bloggers who are just getting started I guess…

Tisk, tisk…guess Maxine’s sperm donor is up to his old tricks…Look what is up with him now…I guess that the judicial system is finally working for him-he can’t bullshit his way out of the ass beatings he is handing out-whoever he is with now is calling the cops-GOOD FOR HER!!!


05-2005-CF-052989-AXXX-XX - STATE VS CIPOLLA SALVATORE J
Initial Criminal Charge Information
Arst No.
05/17/2005
784.048.4
AGGRAVATED STALKING COURT ORDER
FELONY
THIRD DEGREE
05/14/2005
741.29.6
VIOLATION OF CONDITION OF RELEASE DOMESTIC VIOL
MISDEMEANOR
FIRST DEGREE

Register of Actions Activity
05-2005-CF-052989-AXXX-XX - STATE VS CIPOLLA SALVATORE J
05/24/2005
ARREST AFDVT: INITIAL ARREST
BOND SET $50,000 C/S
REMANDED
NO CONTACT W/VICTIM TC
DO NOT CALL/CONTACT UNDER ANY CICUMSTANCE
3R PARTY CONTACT THROUGH ATTY FOR VISITATION/PICK UP/DROP OF
DEMAND FOR TRIAL
PLEA OF NOT GUILTY
BOND POSTED
$50,000.00
RETURNED ENVELOPE CONTAINING
NOTICE TO APPEAR FOR: EARLY RESOLUTION
07/20/2005

And look here, they can't find him and it looks like he skipped bail-50,000 dollars bond-holy shit who does he know that is paying the 10% and getting his ass out of jail? I hope they are gonna arrest him for failure to appear! Can’t they keep his ass in jail? Fuck the ACLU-if you could see all of the BS he is doing it is only a matter of time before he really hurts someone. I can’t believe that he is calling Wayne and looking for Max and I…yeah right asshole! It looks like you have another one with your new girlfriend/poor abuse victim. You decided to give MY BABY up and you can’t see her until she is 18 and wants to see you! I can hear him now telling her how I didn’t want her-yeah well she was a surprise-and a surprise is something you don’t know if you want until you get it-and then you wouldn’t give it up for anything. At least I can keep track of him since he is still getting arrested Florida.

My pain in the ass.

FINALLY!!! September 27th! The new Default album is coming! Check out new song HERE!! I so dig these guys. Dallas Smith-his voice is so frigging great and the Danny Craig the drummer-oh he hits them so hard that I feel it in my ass when I am driving! My favorite to blare is Sick and Tired, Break Down Doors, Throw it All Away, Live a Lie and Crossing the Line from Elocation-shit I dig them all! Anyway-I am wicked excited!

I never had a problem taking a shit before my child was born, but I suppose that when she came out and ripped me 2 or 3 inches past my asshole and they had to sew me up-I mean I remember that my ass didn’t have that bump that is there now-it was my ass for 28 years until she came and I now have a ridge where it used to be smooth. It is now crooked-the doctor sewed my asshole back together crooked. I don’t shit in cookie cutter shapes-it just is not the same as it was and evidently neither is the way that I shit now-I can’t strain for anything-if I do-it is hemorrhoid city. I don’t suppose many of you out there know what it is like to have to take a crap at work-take it and then for the rest of the day have to pull your underwear out of your ass because it is rubbing on this vein hanging out of your ass. Nope, I didn’t think so…please excuse the visual and disgustingness of this, and pardon the pun, it is bugging the SHIT out of me now! Thank God for Preparation H…who the hell named that anyway? Oh whatever, I am done taking about it…


Question for Blake, Are you getting “hammered” by Hurricane Emily? See, that word works so well for me? Especially for sex…:-D

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

My Dad sent this to me in an email today…Ted Kennedy is a fucking prick-Thank you very much. I am not saying I agree with everything that is going on over in Iraq, but you know what? I DO NOT QUESTION MY FREEDOM OR THE MEN & WOMEN FIGHTING FOR IT FOR MY FAMILY AND ME.

Subject: Ted Kennedy
From Mary Jo Kopechne, I would have been 65 years of age this year. Read about me and my killer below.
When Sen. Ted Kennedy was merely just another Democrat bloating on Capitol Hill on behalf of liberal causes, it was perhaps excusable to ignore his deplorable past.But now that he's become a leading Republican attack dog, positioninghimself as Washington's leading arbiter of truth and integrity, the days for such indulgence are now over.
It's time for the GOP to stand up and remind America why this chiefspokesman had to abandon his own presidential bid in 1980 - time to say the words Mary Jo Kopechne out loud.
As is often the case, Republicans have deluded themselves into thinking that most Americans already know the story of how this "Conscience of theDemocratic Party" left Miss Kopechne behind to die in the waters underneath the Edgartown Bridge in July 1969, after a night of drinking and partyingwith the young blonde campaign worker. But most Americans under 40 have never heard that story, or details of how Kennedy swam to safety, then tried to get his cousin Joe Garghan to say he was behind the wheel. Those young voters don't know how Miss Kopechne, trapped inside Kennedy'sOldsmobile, gasped for air until she finally died, while the Democrats' leading Iraq war critic rushed back to his compound to formulate the best alibi he could think of.
Neither does Generation X know how Kennedy was thrown out of Harvard on his ear 15 years earlier -- for paying a fellow student to take his Spanish final. Or why the US Army denied him a commission because he cheated on tests.
As they listen to the Democrats' "Liberal Lion" accuse President Bush of "telling lie after lie after lie" to get America to go to war in Iraq, young voters don't know about that notorious 1991 Easter weekend in Palm Beach, when Uncle Teddy rounded up his nephews for a night on the town, an evening that ended with one of them credibly accused of rape.
It's time for Republicans to state unabashedly that they will no longer "go along with the gag" when it comes to Uncle Ted's rants about deception and moral turpitude inside the Bush White House.And if the Republicans don't, let's do it ourselves by passing this forgotten disgrace around the Internet to wake up memories of what a fraud and fake Ted really is. The Democratic Party should be ashamed to have the national disgrace from Massachusetts as their spokesman.
And the GOP needs to say so out loud !!!!!!!!

Limp Bizkit~"It's Just One Of Thoes Days" Song for today

This is how I feel about today
<-- *SEE STICKER HERE*
Tomorrow will be better…it has to.

AOL is computer cancer!!!! Once you download it you can’t get rid of it!!!!! You have to go back into their site and download instructions to get it off of the boot drive! WTF??? I don’t like AOL.

My question of the day-
WHY did they put nipples on mannequins?
Is it so we will know how we will look when it is cold out or when we are excited?
I do not effing get it.

Some of this, a bit of that-and can I have a BIG side order of Dave please?

Hottie on the Food network…
What is up with Dave Lieberman?
Can he be any cuter?
Is he single???
AND HE COOKS!!!!!
I doubt that his mom would dig him hanging out with a non-Jewish girl from upstate that was never married and has a kid…
Maybe he just wants to have meaning less sex??? I ‘d be up for that.
Think he’d dig me?????
NNNOOOOOOOOO Damnit! = (
He is my kind of guy though-nice smile and seems funny from his TV show.
I think it is hilarious too that he makes a mess all over the counters when he is cooking. Most shows they are really neat-he just throws stuff all over-I like that. It is how I cook also.

Nothing funny from Maxine today. Except that we went to the mall and there was a big cut out of DarthVader in Prints Plus and she yelled-and I mean YELLED-“Mom, there is your boyfriend!!!” I stopped to this and said “WHAT? WHERE?” [In case she knew something I did not] “Right THERE-Darth Vader!” Then started singing “Mommy & Darth Vader sittin’ in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G…” The younger kids behind us got a kick out of that. She says this because years ago I went to Disney/MGM theme park [I was 24] and I had my picture taken with the Darth Vader character-she thinks he and I are on a personal level of some kind. Well, if he is my boyfriend-where the hell have the flowers for my birthday been all of these years??? = )

I got all POSTAL today!

Alrighty then…if you put dark red hair here on Tim McGraw…it is Rusty-when I can get a scanner-I am gonna post their pictures side by side-its amazing.

Guess what came in the mail today? Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn POTTERY BARN!!!!! The early fall catalogue came today!!! It is my big wish book, like Sears Catalouge was when you were a kid. All the toys to look at and make a list for Santa…I wish I had one of everything in Pottery Barn. Then there Restoration Hardware…That’s another wishlist book, love their stuff too, then last is Victoria’s Secret-where the only secret is how can I get that shit to look as good on me as it does the models??? HA HA…Even if I had photo shop I WOULDN’T LOOK ANYWHERE NEAR THAT GOOD! Oops, I can’t forget Pier One…Who came up with the idea to make candles smell so damn good? Who was it that thought “hey, if we put some hazelnut, vanilla, and coffee scents in these candles, I bet we could really sell them! Then lets do one with fruit! We will call it BluCranStrawPleBerry!” Who were these people??? They must be millionaires now. I love these candles that smell so good. I have so many scents burning at once sometimes that I bet it smells like hallway at Alecia’s place! Anyone allergic to this stuff can’t even go to a Pier One because of all of the smells. I feel for them!!!

I had a dream that someone I know played the gituar and sang a song to me…does this happen anywhere other than the movies or dreams? Man that would ROCK! Like sing ‘Bless The Broken Road’ by Rascal Flatts to me-or even ‘Figured You Out’ by Nickelback! That is a sexy song. Well, it is a fun thought to entertain. Maybe I am getting too old for that to happen to me-I think I have read too many romance novels.

My Funny Kid-
Me- [Putting flowers on grandmothers grave and cleaning it]
Maxine-"So, Nana's under here?"
Me-"No, SHE is not here-just her shell is burried here."
Maxine-[innocently looking around] "Gosh there sure are a lot of dead people here..."
Man a few rows ahead-[Turns, looks at me,sees I am clearly freaking, and laughs.]
Me-[giggiling because my Nana would have laughed at this too] "Yes Maxine, I supposed there are..."

Apples, Trees, Falling, Not far away from one another...

The motto in the house lately is pick up your shit!!! Or mostly crap, junk, stuff, but shit is my personal favorite. I don’t say out loud anymore, I usually am yelling “PICK UP YOUR JUNK!!!!!” But, I am really thinking your shit. I am so tired of saying it…Half of the time I don’t say it because I am SO tired of saying it and yelling it that it is just easier to pick it up and put it where it belongs. I know I am not helping her learn by doing this but I. AM. TIRED. How many years too go? 12? 15? WOW that’s a long time…I am kidding…She better marry well or have a kick ass job so she can have people clean and pick up for her! I swear tonight she has been tap dancing on my LAST nerve. It made me think of when my sister and I would be goofing off and my dad would say “Alright, who wants the first one?” I always wanted to be a smart-ass and say ‘ OOHHH-OOHHH me! Pick me! Pick me! I want the first one! Hit me first!” But of course I never did. SO one day I after being a mother for a while I decide to tell my dad this I tell him how silly I thought it was and that I always wanted to yell for him to pick me first…He says to me “Yeah, well it got you two to be quite didn’t it?” Yup, he is still right…I hear myself telling Maxine-“DO YOU WANT ME TO SMACK YOU???” Like she is going to say yes to this or something. But, if she is anything like me she is thinking-“Yes mom, I have been waiting for you to ask me that ALL DAY! Please smack me-I think I need it.”

Gave myself a pedicure…French manicured my toes tonight-for no one other than myself…and really, does anyone ever get complaints from a guy about there feet? Maybe if they are gross, but I am sure that when you are having sex, a guy isn’t gonna stop and say-“Hey nice pedicure, I was noticing your feet up here by my ears and…” ßNope, this doesn’t happen. Sure it would be a great compliment, but you REALLY aren’t wanting him checking out your feet now are you? I know I never was. We wanna hear “NICE RACK” or one of my fav’s is “GREAT ASS!” I usually got “Bend over bitch!” No, I did not-that was a joke. But guys - they are there for ONE reason and ONE reason only-to get laid, not to make sure your toes look pretty. Well I am not getting hammered anytime soon, and if I do say so myself, DAMN my feet look GREAT!

I have that second interview in the morning…10:00 with the head of the department. GOOD LUCK TO ME! And good luck to them because I think I am staying right where I am…I hope they don’t offer me what I really want. I also hope they won’t like me-or miss me when I leave them after they are graced with my presence…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am tired, going to take a L-O-N-G bath and go to bed…

These little idiosyncrasies of mine make me nuts

I first want to say that yes, I did have to look up how to spell idiosyncrasy. I know the word and use it often but damn if I can spell it!

Secondly-saw this on the ABC nightly news this evening-it is a web page that one guy started up and has been flooded with pics and posts-it is a really neat thing and made me smile-which it is pretty easy for me to cry in a situation like this-what a GREAT idea. The pics are awsome. I will be taking one as soon as I can think up a cool idea for a sign for Maxine and I to hold.
--> We Are Not Afraid <--- GO NOW and check it out.


I was just mulling things around in my brain today and I realized that the guy in Florida that I dig [first name rhymes with hiccup] has initials that match the guy who I thought was “the one.” _JR and the guy who was the love of my life is JRA… _ JR & JR _ Okay so HOW WEIRD IS THAT? The guy who I thought was the love of my life initials JRA-he goes by the name Rusty-he has been married before me and then after me, [BOTH girls were named Lisa too-WEIRD HUH?] I was supposed to be in the middle and he wasn’t supposed to ever get married again-we were to live happily ever after…Well, he couldn’t stop dating other girls - 6 weeks before our wedding her picked up a girl I KNEW in a bar. I forgave him and then there were a lot more of those incidents- and yes, I ended up having a problem with it, so we finally ended it and I moved to Atlanta, for 4 months and then I moved back. He then met his second Lisa and got married 3 days before my birthday THAT HURT! Even thought I am sure he forgot my birthday-his is 12/21!!! Seven years we were on and off again. I would have done ANYTHING for him; I mean if he told me that he wanted me to do cartwheels naked down our street-I would have done it-it was that crazy. I remember him asking me why was I always so damn happy in the morning-I really think it was because of him. I am still generally happy in the AM but it was always nice waking up with him near me. There are like 10 times a day when I want to call Rusty and tell him what is going on in my life and see how he is coping with the second divorce-to say something to him that only we would get. But I can’t. I have known him since I was 13 and first moved to Florida. I have known him 23 years-well minus the last 8 because we were not talking. I thought he was “IT” for me. That whole one person for everyone-I thought that was us. I always got butterflies when I knew he was on his way home, or coming over-even when I was mad at him. He was the only person I ever wanted to marry…well except when I was 14; I just knew that George Michael would marry me when we met. Then I realized soon on that I didn’t have the right plumbing. OH, and then in the early 90’s there was Eric Zeier, quarterback for the Georgia Bulldogs-then the Browns, then the Ravens, then the Bucs and I don’t know now but I was planning on hunting him down in an airport somewhere and he was going to realize that I was the woman he always wanted. Yeah, that didn’t happen either.
SO, back to the “JR” initial thing…coincidence? I THINK NOT! It is me telling me to get over it! I know it won’t ever work with the guy in Florida that I dig either…we are just friends. He told me before that if he was single things might be different-but he is not and we are just friends. Can you believe that he still talks to me knowing good and well that I dig him? I should probably stop answering his emails…[insert whining voice] but he makes me llaaauuuugh…ALSO, HE EMAILS ME AND CALLED ME ONCE SO HA!
If he wants to call me and email me, he can. I will email him back and talk to him but I won’t get all goofy and excited when he calls-Riiiiggght, who am I fooling? I will still get all-stupid, he just does that to me like the other one did.

Funny word of the day-
Maxine to dog- “Come here you little pussy face…”
Me- [staring in shock]
Maxine to dog- “Look at your cute little pussy face.”
Me [staring still] ‘WHAT did you JUST say?’
Maxine to me- “Uhhhh, look at your pussy face…?
Me-“WHY did you say that???”
Maxine-“Grandma says it!”
Me-“Nooo, grandma says “Look at your little puss-NOT pussy-PUSSY is a bad word”
Maxine- [about to cry] “I didnit know!”
Me-“I know you did not know and I am just telling you so now you DO KNOW.”
Mom- [yelling at small dog-] “Fergie! Get your dirty little puss over here!”
Maxine- [looking at me wide eyed] “Ooohhh, -grandma said a bad word!”
Me-“Nooooo, she didn’t exactly…”
Maxine and I [giggling uncontrollably
Mom- [glaring at me] “What is so damn funny?”
Maxine-“NOW SHE DID!”

Sweet, sweet dreams...

Oh brother-I am still up because I just got finished emailing back and fourth with hiccup-[his name rhymes with hiccup-its not REALLY hiccup]…Man, I get SO STUPID when we talk-he said I was a cool chick-actually he said my aggressive side is something that is great about me and I am a cool chick-and from him I am pretty sure that is a compliment…We made a pack that when we are 80 we are gonna do it. And I know this is him just sugar coating loads of bullshit and laughing whilst I eat it up like a great steak, but oh well and it works because I am going to go and crawl into my bed now and dream of having crazy hot sex with him in unusual places…since it has been 4 years since I have had any and I am so frigging horney that you could bounce a brick off of my sexually frustrated ass-just as I told him…nighty night...

EVERY mans dream & a lot of womans wish lists

Oh good Lord, is this photo not every mans dream?!! My ass hasn't been that small since I was 28-That was BC
[before child] This photo was on my yahoo most viewd pictures.....NNOOOOOOOO-REALLY????? Guess who's looking? HAHAHA-pubescent boys and jealous women! [well 1 jealous woman-and that would be me!]




*NOTE-NO BRA IN THE WHOLE WORLD WILL MAKE GOD GIVEN BREASTS EVER STAND UP AND LOOK LIKE THAT-NOT EVER!*
But I wanted to say-Look closley at this picture-DOES SHE HAVE HER BACK PIERCED??? WTF?????????? Who would do that? How do you sleep-Certianly not on your back, and I am guessing not on your stomach either-you don't wanna crush your newly purchased boobies!!!
In all fairness, if I didn't have God given boobies, I WOULD HAVE STORE BOUGHT ONES!!!!! Yes, I am admitting it, I as a girl, had toilet paper in my bra to see how I would look.

Brain trouble? Nothing a good 'ol fashioned lobotomy can't cure!

Okay so my sister is a TOTAL hypochondriac-so is my good friend Angela. I think I understand Angie because if my sister-my sister says it is hard for her to function everyday because of all of the things she is worried about, same with Angie-the fear of what is out there to kill them sometimes just overwhelms them and this is all that they can obsess about. PLUS, my sister the poor girl is 5’6 and 99 pounds…she can’t put on weight and is a vegetarian. [I could be a vegetarian-if bacon was a vegetable, but it’s not so I won’t be]…ANYWAY, my sister remembers my allergy doctor from when I was a baby-don’t ask me how because I don’t even remember her, but this woman, Dr. Rapp wrote a book that my sister should
N-E-V-E-R read-but she will because she knows it is out there. They have green, yellow and red days there in St. Louis meaning if it is a red day-stay your ass inside because it is icky air. Of course she checks this everyday. I feel bad for her and in turn when she is telling me all of this about my allergy doctor and her book, I BEGIN TO FREAK also. Teflon is bad-VERY BAD she says. She is looking to purchase a leather couch-I say “They are nice but when it is hot out you stick to them-so get a regular couch and have it scotch guarded…She yells “NNNNOOOOOOO!!! THERE IS TEFLON IN SCOTCH GUARD!!!!!” I did not know this and she whispers “It’s in everything and they don’t tell you-they hide it in everything…it causes cancer-three known types, breast, liver and prostrate.” Okay, who the hell is “They” I do not know so I just go along with her. I am guessing it is the government who must have once said that it was okay and now changed their minds-same with DDT and Vioxx and the rest of it. So back to the good doctor-my sister says that because I was born 3 weeks early, this is why I have asthma. [I was born with it.] ALSO, I am epileptic I have been since the age of 14-get this-I am an idiopathic epileptic! When I had my medical records and I read that I FREAKED! I said to my doctor-[Dr. Scott Gold-wonderful man GREAT doctor-Melbourne, FL.] "You have here, down on paper that I am an idiot!??? " He laughed and said “No, that only means we don’t know WHY you are epileptic, no head injuryand it’s not in your family, that’s all.” So I said-“So it’s kind of like YOU are the idiot for not knowing huh?” He says [laughing] “Well, I guess you could say that.” I said, “I’m cool with that then.” I was in my early 20’s when I said that and had known him for years. Nobody knows why I am epileptic, I just am. [I have grand mal or tonic/clonic seizures. I am really lucky and my seizures are controlled by my meds] Sooo, in the book the good doctor-she says because I was born early, that is why-#1 I have asthma and #2 why I have epilepsy…Yeah, well SHE told my mom [Mom saw Dr. Rapp in the airport about 3 years ago.] that it was because of an asthma medication that I was when I was little that is now known to cause seizures or epilepsy in adults…Well, wouldn’t that then be HER fault since she prescribed it??? I looked at the web site and it looks like I shouldn’t even breathe outside because of the toxins in the air/water/soil and shit! My sister just has me thinking about this too much…DANG IT! Then there is this in my yahoo news today:

The lobotomy, once a widely used method for treating mental illness, epilepsy and even chronic headaches, is generating fresh controversy 30 years after doctors stopped performing the procedure now viewed as barbaric. A new book and a medical historian contend the crude brain surgery actually helped roughly 10 percent of the estimated 50,000 Americans who underwent the procedure between the mid-1930s and the 1970s. But relatives of lobotomy patients want the Nobel Prize given to its inventor revoked.

I can at least be thankful that lobotomy wasn’t an option for my parents because I might have had one if they thought it would have made me better.
Can they do that? Take away your Nobel Prize? Wow, that would mess up your day huh? Well, not as much as a lobotomy would because instead of being mad you would be sitting in a corner drooling like Jack Nickelson was in ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest.’ Horrible stuff—great movie though.

***Note to Blake, Maybe I do not know what a power glove is or was because I am not supposed to play video games because they are known to give people who have epilepsy seizures-I just remembered that! = ) ***

Mars vs. Venus...Mars wins.

Men Are Just Happier People—
What do you expect from such creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You canwear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with apocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25minutes.
No wonder men are happier!
Guys just have it made-there is no two ways about it.

Mind altering drugs? No, that is REALY what I am hearing!

I am sitting at work today listening to the am oldies music that is being pumped into us and I am sure I know the lyrics…I stop pounding on my calculator and listen, now I have heard this song before and I thought that I knew it but when they said Paul Anka-Do I even know him? I know that I don’t have his cd in my collection, so I was mistaken. So as I said I am listening to this song and I here are the lyrics…
“It’s now or never-but I ain’t gonna live forever-I just want to live while I’m alive-it’s my life. My heart is like an open highway-Like Frankie said I did it my way-I just want to live while I’m alive.”
SO I keep hearing these lyrics all day in my head and it is making me crazy! So around 4:00, I hear a new song-here are THESE lyrics…
“Jump, might as well jump-go on and jump”
And you know what? IT AIN’T VAN HALEN! Holy shit it is Paul Anka again!!! Singing Jump by Van Halen. Then it hit me…holy shit the song earlier that he was singing It’s My Life by BON JOVI!!!! Say it ain’t so! I started cracking up-on the inside of course. I mean it doesn’t have the same music-just the lyrics…and did they say he could do that? Remake their songs with different tunes? It is as bad as all of the TV commercials with music I like-or worse yet-a damn Mitsubishi commercial and can’t find out who the hell it is!!!!! I mean at least if it is on a TV program I can look it up on line and find out. (Example-You Are My Joy-by Reindeer Selection on Grey’s Anatomy) It has been really hard to find some of the commercial songs unless they posted them in their web site-which most of them do not! Sorry, I got off track there-Paul Anka, doing those songs on AM radio…the oldies…Van Halen and Bon Jovi…WHEN did that happen? When did songs from my past get re made by old artists that don’t know jack about rock and roll? Oh Lord, help me now…I better go now and take my anti-old meds…and my geratol.

Funny out burst of the day…well Sunday actually.
Maxine- “Mom, can I have some of the cheese things in grandmas kitchen?
[she not realizing that orange dust is all over the front of her]
Me-“What do you think I am going to say missy?”
Maxine-“Um, no, because it is too close to dinner.”
Me-“You would be correct-but didn’t you already have some young lady?!!!
Maxine-[LARGE eyes] “How did you know that-I even washed my hands first!?”
Me-“I am PHYSIC! So don’t ever try to slip stuff by me because I will know! I am all knowing mom!”
Maxine-[large eyes still] “Okay mommy, I won’t and I am sorry.”
***If she believes that, my work here is done…If not, I am a liar to her forever-which one do you think she will believe-
Me=LIAR. Damn the luck!

Isn't it time?

Aright then…for the past three nights I have woken up at 3:33. Is it some weird thing going on in the universe or is it just me? I do not know but if I do it again tonight I think I will freak out-and now that I am waiting for it to happen either it won’t happen or I will be awake waiting for it to happen. Does this happen to anyone else? For me it is not 2:22 or 1:11 or even 4:44 -it is always 3:33. I used to laugh when I saw that it was 7:11-because of the convenient store-I don’t think I have ever noticed my bithday-11:24-but I have noticed my moms, dads and daughters birthdays-12:12 - 5:14 -10:17. Now, a time I used to see-now I hate to see is 9:11…I remember that awful day and I always get a chill when I think of it especially now since it just happened in London. 7:07 will be another awful time. The sea of pictures and loved ones searching for them…I can’t imagine their pain but yet I remember feeling the same way as I did on 9/11 for their loss. I naively thought that this wouldn’t happen again. Now I am asking myself where and when will it happen on US soil again? WHY are they doing this? I know I have asked this before but I never got the answer I wanted-or what I thought was correct. Now here we go again. Innocent lives are taken for no damn good reason. The NYC, USA, - Madrid, Spain – London, England…I pray that they won’t do it again.

A note someone left with flowers by the train…
YESTERDAY WE FLED THIS GREAT CITY, BUT TODAY WE ARE WALKING BACK INTO AN EVEN STRONGER CITY.
THE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS SHOULD KNOW THEY HAVE FAILED.
THEY PICKED THE WRONG CITY TO PICK ON.
LONDON WILL GO ON.
That says a lot. God Bless them all. They were there for us-we should be there for them also.

Funny quote of the day-
Me-“Maxine grab the ammonia there under the sink for me please.”
Maxine-“WHAT?”
Me-“The AMMONIA-it is right in front-you can’t miss it.”
Maxine-“I don’t want to touch that!!! Josh in my class had that and he was out for two weeks!”
Me-“WHAT did he have?”
Maxine-“He was in the hospital because he had the ammonia!”
Me-No, he had pneumonia NOT AMMONIA.”
Maxine-“That’s what I said-THE AMMONIA.”
Me- {laughing} “Never mind, I will get it.”

Okay, and THIS IS IT! Unless something drastic happens, I will NOT change this darn thing again! It only causes me grief! I am not a computer deisgner-just a blogger and I must remember that!!!!

It's hurricane season in Florida-AGAIN...

Man, I am joking about this but it is NOT funny-this picture is-hurricanes are not. I lived in Florida for 21 years and never had to deal with a really bad one-then I move up here and 4 in 1 year. My dad is still there for all of the mess-but he says he would rather deal with the hurricane season than the cold. He says if he ever has to come back up north to live he had better be in a box-and he better be dead.
I say buh-bye plywood, flashlights, water, ice, candles and etc...and HEELLLOOOO snow shovel!!!!!

A picture is worth a thousand words-even on a cell phone.

In this image provided by commuter Alexander Chadwick, taken on his mobile phone camera, passengers are evacuated from an underground train in a tunnel near Kings Cross station in London, Thursday, July 7, 2005. At least 33 people were killed Thursday in three explosions in London's subway system, a senior police official said. Deputy Assistant Commissioner Brian Paddick said others died in an explosion on a bus in central London but gave no figures. The second blast, at 8:56 a.m. (0756GMT), in the King's Cross area of north London, killed 21, Paddick said. (AP Photo / Alexander Chadwick)

Can you imagine even thinking about taking a picture when something like this is going on? WOW.

God Bless the morning commuters

God Bless all the folks in London today-for we here in the USA know all too good and well what they are going through-mostly-WHY?

Alright-did anyone else get on Classmates.com?
Do you all get these annoying messages from them???

Become a Gold member today!

Yeah, like I am going to spend 3 bucks a month to talk to people I don’t want to talk to anyway! Plus if they are not a member-will they even get an email I sent? I doubt it. Sure, curiosity does get the best of me and I go there to snoop-and just when you think you can get some info…

Become a Gold member today!

You get hit with that again! I know that they have the best intentions-I bet it was the really popular people who started this and now they are rich and laughing their asses off-oh well-just felt like venting on that since I received an email from them today to GO GOLD and that 43 people have visited my profile-um, does that count me too? Then I am the only one looking at it! = )

I have a job interview tomorrow-holy crap I am nervous! I hate these questions-
1-"So why do you want to work here?"
A truthful answer would be-“If you are paying what I think you are paying-I AM IN FOR THE MONEY!”
2-"So what would you say is your worst quality?"
Again a truthful answer would be-“That I snore…Oh you mean HERE? Well, I don’t work well with others.”
3-"What do you think you can bring to the table for us here at ________?"
Truthful answer-“Well, I am a very good baker and the steaks that I marinate for 24 hours an then do on a grill- well everyone just raves about them!”

I mean what the hell-do they ask these to just make me sweat? I am still practicing answers for this interview…WISH ME LUCK! I HATE that table question!!! EVERY. DAMN. TIME. THEY. ASK. IT!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER*
I will never write about things that happen to me at work-unless they are REALLY funny!!! = ) That is if anyone finds my blog!!!

Funny Quote of the day-
Max-“Oh great! MOM, I can’t find my invisible woman!”
Me- [trying NOT to laugh] “Isn’t that because she IS INVISIBLE?”
Max- [sigh] NOOO mom, her head isn’t invisible!”And she is saying this again like I don’t know any better or I SHOULD know better…But man, she left the door wide open in that one! So open that you could have thrown a car through it!!!

When does it start...

I really did wonder when it would start…when the monster of my past would rear its ugly head…So one of my questions has been answered…

IT STARTS AT SIX YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!

What I am talking about is the threat I received from my mother when I was young and was not being a good young lady…I can still hear it to this day…
I HOPE YOU HAVE FIVE JUST LIKE YOU!!!!!
Her what I used to think “empty” threat has come true today…Here are said events as they unfolded-

Me, “No, Maxine, it needs-“

Max-“NOOOO! Mooommmm, you JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!”

Me-“Listen, I-“

Max- “Never mind Mom, [insert sigh & eye rolling] you just don’t get it!”

Oh no she didn’t just roll her eyes at me right????? OH YES SHE FRIGGING DID! We had a nice little chat about that let me tell you! The time outs will commence NOW if you ever do that again!!! Yeah, like Super Nanny-I’ve got a “naughty” room!!!!! Oh yeah it is upstairs where she can’t see anyone or do anything and her Raggedy Ann doll is in there and she is SCARED TO DEATH of it!!!! I remind her it is in the closet and if she acts up it will get her before I do! Well, I‘d like to say that but I don’t…I think I will start though!
I can hear her now-[fast foward ten years or so]
Max-“MOOOMMM! You don’t know him like I do, he reeeaaaally loves me!!!”
Me-“I know you think that honey but there will be more guys-“
Max-“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL!!!!! YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND…”
Me- [to self-unfortunately I do…and I know that there will be more…and I am gonna pound this little asshole if he hurts you damnit-if I have to I will hire it out!]
“Okay honey-I know you think that-but I do…”
I was never like that to my mom-sure I thought that she didn’t know-and my “artist” that I dated who was 8 years my senior when I was 17-he really did love me-HAHAHAHA-
You know what? SHE WAS SO RIGHT!!!!! She bought a plaque for me that says
“If at first you do not succeed-then do it like your mother told you to…” I live by that now. I am sometimes jealous of people who have boys-they only have one swinging dick to worry about-I have to worry about ALL the swinging dicks since I have a girl-but I wouldn’t change a thing!

Why do I do this to myself? I have no idea

Where to begin…Had a conversation last night with hiccup…(as said earlier-his name rhymes with hiccup-not using real name) I think it might be last time we talk…I know he will never be mine but I dig him-I can’t help myself-AM I SO WRONG to even think that he likes me a bit more than just a friend??? Our mutual friend said to me that he just likes that I LIKE him.
Okay-long story sort of short-we worked together in Florida. He always picked on me and any excuse I had to talk with him I made it. So when I moved back to Titusville, I still talked regularly with my friend Angie. Ang kept him updated on my life because he would ask her-mostly out of friendliness I think. Well I was visiting once and her knew I was there and he stopped by her house for a few drinks. I had had a few drinks and before he left, I tried to kiss him…He didn’t let me. He said “NO, this would be wrong and he couldn’t do it, wasn’t that he didn’t want to just that he couldn’t-I apologized. I was embarrassed. Well we still talked-but not often. So when I moved up here to NY-I didn’t tell him. I decided to leave him behind…and he asked Angie where I was and he got my number from her-AND CALLED ME one afternoon and I have been all stupid for him again. I am pathetic aren’t I???

I told you everything-opened up and let you in-you made me feel alright for once in my life-now all that’s left of me-is what I pretend to be-so together –but so broken up inside-I can’t breathe-no I can’t sleep-I’m barely hanging on…Here I am-once again-I’m torn into pieces-can’t deny it-can’t pretend-just thought you were the one-broken up deep inside-but you won't get to see the tears I cry...

Another question I will never get an answer to...HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?

Can someone PLEASE explain this to me???

Duncan had spent more a decade in prison for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy at gunpoint, and at the time of his arrest was a fugitive from justice for allegedly molesting a boy in Minnesota. Duncan spent more than a decade in prison for sexually assaulting a boy at gunpoint in 1980, when he was 16, and had a Web site that called for lighter sentencing of sex offenders, officials said. Authorities said Duncan's chilling Web site in which he recently warned of upcoming violent deeds, will not be appointed a public defender until a court hearing Tuesday. Days before the children disappeared, an ominous message was posted on a Web site that officials said Duncan maintained.

"I am scared, alone and confused, and my reaction is to strike out toward the perceived source of my misery, society," the May 11 entry said. "My intent is to harm society as much as I can, then die."

Did they not know who this cat was until they found him? Could they not have logged his IP addy and snagged him up from where he was posting? But wait…THERE IS MORE…

Half way across the country, officials were facing another tough question: Why had Duncan been released on bail earlier this year after being charged with molesting a 6-year-old boy at a Minnesota school playground.
In Becker County, Minn., District Judge Thomas Schroeder, who had set bail at $15,000 despite prosecutors' request that it be $25,000, said Sunday that he barely remembers the case and isn't sure if he knew then that the man was a registered Level 3 sex offender.

Um, WHY THE HELL DID HE NOT KNOW HE WAS A LEVEL 3??? I understand what is being said here-I just don't know WHY! -->

"Usually on a bail hearing you have limited information, and so you set it in an amount that you think is appropriate," the judge said. He said if he had known Duncan's record, he would have set it high enough that Duncan would not have gone free. Police in Fargo said they had been looking for Duncan since May, but had no indication he had fled to Idaho.

Does ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT WE SHOULD HAVE THIS INFO OUT THERE NOW FOR JUDGES????? But color me stupid because I thought it was already out there!!! What the Fuck??? Will it really be in a violation to make these fuckers wear bracelets? HELL NO! I do no believe in chemical castration because it is a BRAIN thing not a DICK thing! These freaks will use their hands or other objects to hurt little kids...Lets leave them in prison with Sherriff Joe-(see below) This just makes me sick, sick, sick. People still wonder why I don’t let my daughter play in the front yard without me sitting right there.
Those poor kids. Man, I do pray that they find Dylan…I hope.

Sheriff Joe - Re-elected TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO - HE IS THE MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER. THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY: Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail": He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination. He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs. He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back. "He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place. More on the Arizona Sheriff: With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks."It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 ½ years. "It's inhumane." Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths! "Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

Babies...

***Deleted Photo of Daughter***




Okay, sleeping dogs in the kitchen waiting for ANY scraps...

Poser at party yesterday down by the creek...She wasn't happy with me-she wanted to play in the water-I made her wait-am I mean or what?

SAY IT AINT SO!!!

You know...I REALLY liked Brad and Jen together-they were my Hollywood love story-like Cindrella and happily ever after and shit. I was a "Friends" fan from day one and a Brad Pitt fan from "Thelma & Louise". Can't say that I am an Angelina Jolie fan. Yes, she is beautiful-BUT NOT LIKE JENNIFR ANISTON!!! Saw Jolie in "Gia" about the super model-yeah she was good in that-but the whole "kissing my brother like that at an award show was okay"-FREAKED ME THE HELL OUT! Then the "I carry around my husbands blood in a vile by my heart"...well somethings should just be kept a secret!!! And DON'T tell me now that they didn't fool around while he was still married because she wouldn't do that-I say BULLSHIT! Just wait until that shit happens to her and a man screws around on her! THEN we will discuss how SHE feels!!! Just felt like getting that out there...I DO NOT LIKE THEM TOGETHER!!! It makes me long for a simpler time...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It's picture day...

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY ALL


NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft is shown as technicians from Ball Aerospace and Technologies Corp. work on the vehicle in Titusville, Florida December 23, 2004. (Joe Skipper/Reuters)

Okay, I know this was the Deep Impact spacecraft, but I can't wait until July 13th when the next shuttle goes up-I was in high school when Challenger blew and I lived in Titusville-It happened right across the street from school and they let us all outside to watch it...it was horrible. I would go up in a minute if they wanted me!!!-Which they won't. I know a lot of people who work out there-the guy I thought was the "love of my life" works out there-since 1990-or maybe '91-I forgot. Good money and good job-he works on the ohms pods that steer the shuttle in space-or they call them thrusters. ANYWAY...

Fourth of July parties I remember...at 20 something

This had me sprwing Diet Coke-WITH LIME-because it comes that way now and since I no longer drink I pretend it is a gin & tonic...A must read...

4:00 pm – Getting drunker and angrier, yell at the couple walking in the door with Coronas in hand. People just seem to associate outside drinking with nasty-ass Corona. If you must add a lime to drink to make it taste good, it must taste like shit. Tell them that I don’t remember this being Cinco de Mayo and they need to drink some American beer. Chuck a can of warm ‘weiser at them and tell them to piss off.

Happy fourth of July-one and all...God bless America-(insert mucic)...

I enjoy being a girl...

Going to be a busy weekend with the 4th and all. Nothing new today except the guy I dig keeps emailing me and it is making me crazy!!!

The number1 reason to wear underwear to the store is…
Because when you bend over in front of your daughter and she can see a bit of your hiney-she will YELL, “Mommy you don’t have any underwear on? EEWWW!”
Yeah, mental note: never wear hip hugger shorts without underwear when with Maxine or whenever going out!!!
That was almost as bad as when she was 3 almost 4-I ran into a convenient store to get some cigarettes (hey it was A YEAR since I quit on June 11th! I want one EVERYDAY!)
So I get her a snack and go to the counter to get cigs and middle eastern gentleman says “hello” and I tell him brand I want and he is ringing us out and my lovely daughter says “Hi, I am Maxine! And this is my mom Shawn ________ (insert MY FULL NAME!) and I have two daddies!!!” He says, “Oh, okay, that is nice.” I put my head down and loudly whispered “Yes, and I am a dirty whore…” She then looks at me and says, “Mommy is he a stranger?” I say “Nope-not anymore!” I WAS SO embarrassed! I avoided that store for three months then she and I ran in quick to get gas one day and a drink and he was there and he said –“Oh HELLO Maxine and her mommy!” Maxine yells "HI!" I said “Uh hi…” I never went back…(Maxine was referring to her real father-whom I call the sperm donor-and my ex-boyfriend Wayne…)

So yeah, this woman was telling me how my daughter needed a male influence in her life-or she might not be right-FUCK THAT! She has her grandpa! I do not have time to make a boyfriend-it will take my time away from her! I was thinking about how much I HATE people telling me what is best and what I need to do for my daughters well being-unless it is my mom telling me…
SO I compiled a top 10 list of things I can’t stand
1-UNSOLICITIED ADVICE
2-Child molesters/abusive men
3-Rude people
4-IRIONING-I do it everyday
5-My dry skin
6-paper cuts
7-People who kill animals for sport only
8-Walnuts- (I am allergic)
9-liars
10-People who drive with their blinker on
Here are 10 things I love
1-God & my family
2-My daughter-her face when sleeping too
3-Kissing
4-Christmas
5-Sunny days in Buffalo
6-SHOES!
7-Reading
8-Florida oranges
9-Animals
10-Traveling/Road trips
That is it for now gonna go and make cookies for the 4th shindig we are gonna have at the pool at grandmas-we will probably eat them before the party though! Well, we will just make or buy more.

Why, why, WHY IS IT?????

Well, the bike is gone…she was so happy to get it-and it was just what she wanted and I felt just awful for thinking anything nasty…SHAME ON ME! I do not know how her home life is! Yeah well it is over now and I am done dwelling on it…

So yesterday I was doing something (right now I can’t remember what) and I came up with a list of why is its…Murphy’s Law shit again-so here is MY list…

Why Is It…
That when you go to the grocery store/wal-mart and you look like CRAP-you see everyone you don’t want to see-but if you look good-you see no one?
Why Is It…
We want we can’t have-or we get something we have wanted for years and we don’t use it?
Why Is It…
Want a promotion at our job-get it and it SUCKS and presently seeking now a new job doing the old job?
Why Is It…
Get the newest computer out there and two months later new one is out and it is now even BETTER than one you have?
Why Is It…
Buy a new _______(insert object-mine is jacket) for full price and 4 days later it is on sale for half price?
Why Is It…
Buy treadmill so you can run/walk when it is raining/snowing outside-it is now used as a clothes hanger?
Why Is It…
Go to grocery store and the Diet Coke with lime is ALL SOLD OUT!!!
Why Is It…
You go to get lunch out of fridge and realize you forgot it and have no time to go and get any?
Why Is It…
You make plans to go skiing with friends and the day before you fall and break your foot? (This never happened to me-but if I ever make plans to go skiing-it will)
Why Is It…
I want someone I could never have? Example-Brad Pitt-or my friend-name rhymes with hiccup???
These are just why is it’s that pertain to me…I am sure that there are a lot more out there-I JUST CAN”T THINK OF ANY RIGHT NOW!