Happy New Years Eve!!!!!

Well, I am going to post my New Years Resolutions here just to see how bad I fail...

Be better to the babies and take them running with me... Be more of a fun mom than a mean one. I am a mean one a lot...But it is only because I feel I have to ...
I am NEVER eating chicken again! Just look at this poor sad infected bird! I can not imagine what will happen if the avian flu becomes airborne…(shudder)

I will try to lose 10 pounds from my ass…so it will look like this picture. But I don’t think it ever looked like that! Maybe when I was little…cool story if you click on the picture.

Be a better email buddy. Sometimes I fail miserably at emailing people back. They end up sending emails wondering if I am dead because I do not answer their emails. I will try harder!

STOP BITCHING ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS! Just be happy with what I have-which is a lot. Or as someone always said to me-Get glad in the pants you got mad in!

So far...as of New Years Eve, that is all I can think of...

Oh and try to put some more money away for either vacations to Florida with Max-or college~BOTH are important!!!!!

Not for Nothing...

My Christmas was real nice...I should take a picture of her room...(gasp) every new and old toy...all.over.floor. That is my weekend project, organizing her room. More like TRYING to organize it.
I MISS MY DAD...waahhhh...


This is the coolest line on a blog that I have seen yet...the bed post thing...HAHAHA...it is Heathers cousin...and we ALL know Heather from Dooce , well this is her cousin George-pretty cool blog and he sounds like a fun guy...click pic to go to his site, and I stole this picture from him...SORRY!!!


Blatantly stolen from The Superficial. Please forgive me!




















Now, from what I understand...this is my boyfriends girlfriend...mind you he does not KNOW that I want him to be my boyfriend, or that I exist for that matter-and I can't WAIT to see him kiss another man-(but that movie that is not out yet) but he makes me all warm inside when he smiles...and I love to say his name...Jake Gyllenhaalllllllll-it just rolls right off of my tounge-if I ever got my hands on him I would make him scream like a little girl who just opened up her new pony on Christmas morning. But this creep is his girlfriend. I have done some crappy parking in my time-but NEVER in a handicaped zone...I even feel bad when I use one in the public bathroom! So anyway, I do not like this girl for screwing my boyfriend...I mean, didn't anyone teach her to share??? But whatever-since he does not know me yet-I SUPPOSE it is alright...but when he and I meet-she is O-U-T out!
Well anyway-this is a really cool blog too...The Superficial-because you're ulgy...HAHAHA! So click on picture for full story!

Here is my funny for the day...

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why He wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his
collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

The NEW funny Christmas story...

Can you just see these guys on Christmas morning? WHAT DID WE GET...WHAT DID WE GET!!!???

I found this yesterday…um…yes at the office-but I truly was NOT messing around!!! I swear!!!!! I lost all of my mascara and almost wet my pants. Realized then I HAD to post it here…This is the site…snopes…about urban legends. Really cool site! Read below and see why!


This article is true and was submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,"Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination and found the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot amber to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-TOO FUNNY!

I was in bed last night and Max comes & crawls into bed with me and asks me to tell her a story from when she was little-her favorite is the one where she was sick and I took her to the emergency room and she threw up all down the front of me and it was in my bra-rotten thrown up milk with corn in it…
I was trying to remember some stories when I remembered the day I went to pre school to get her and she was crying…when I saw her teacher, he told me she and a boy-(I think his name was Adain) were in time out-and she got into trouble while in time out because she frigging BIT THE KID! She was 4 at the time. When asked why, She told everyone she bit him because he told her too. I signed her out and in the car she was crying…I asked her WHY she would bite him and again she said she bit him because he told her to. I asked her to tell me EXACTLY what had transpired…She says to me “We were in time out for not being quite at story time and I said to him in time out it was his fault we were there and he said “Maxine, BITE ME!’ so I DID! And nobody believes me” It was right then in the car that I understood and I started CRACKING UP! I took her back in the school and told her teacher who in turn cracked up him self and said to Maxine, “Why didn’t you tell us that Maxine?” She says, “I DID! I TOLD YOU HE TOLD ME TO BITE HIM!” We all fell over laughing then had ANOTHER talking to her about not biting and why it is wrong, even if someone tells you too…
Then there is a story that theguyiloveinflorida told me a long time ago that my daughter likes to hear because it is so cute…theguyiloveinflorida, his son was getting over a cold and his nose was running, theguyiloveinflorida says to his son, “Mason, go and get some tissues” a few minutes later Mason appears with his sneakers and puts them on the coffee table in front of his dad…theguyiloveinflorida says, “Son, what are you doing with your shoes?” Mason says, “You told me to go and get two shoes, so here they are…TWO SHOES!” tissues-two shoes…it sounds the same and he was still sick and I think his ears could have been clogged. But is that cute too or what???

Merry Christmas Eve to all of you out there in Blogger world! I hope it is wonderful for all!!!

Happy Friday!!!

I think this is so funny! If I could put it up at work I would-but I can't.


Then, I took this of my self last night...pretty nasty huh? I need photoshop for Christmas since
I now have my awsome camera!!!

I don't know what happened to me...I thought I used to be okay looking...now it is just sad...

here is my funny for the day...

(Correct use of the "F" word)

When is @#$% Acceptable?

There have been only twelve times in history when the "F" word was considered acceptable for use.They are as follows:

12. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are Sinking?" -- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

11. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

10. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -- Custer, 1877

9. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938

8. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926

7. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

6. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566

5. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

4. "Scattered @#$%ing showers,my ass!" -- Noah, 4314 BC

3. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -- Bill Clinton, 1998

2. "What do you mean there is no @%#*ing key to my ankle bracelet?" -- Martha Stewart, 2005

and a drum roll please............!

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this@%#*^ing mad." -- Saddam Hussein, 2003

my mindless dribble...

Okay here is my newest fav blog...Check it out! I will put it on my side bar now also.

MIND you I did find it on Greys Anatomy site-but it is good and I have read a lot of it-ALSO on the sidebar where it says all in the family...um, you will see snark spot. Yup people it IS JEN WEINER! You know-the author of In Her Shoes??? (I have yet to see the movie-but the book-I don't think they could have topped the book) All 3 of my readers will know that I LOVE here and her link has been on my sidebar since DAY ONE! I finished Goodnight Nobody. AWSOME BOOK!!! Desperately waiting Little Earthquakes now... from the library that is…I might just go and buy it-I have been waiting for a week –but I feel like if I do, I will be cheating on the library. Now what kind of example is that for my daughter?

By the way, just WHEN is the new Greys Anatomy coming on? Not Sunday I know because I looked! They have yet to tell me-or the public I should say. I guess the actors wanted off for Christmas too. Selfish, selfish people! Do they not understand that we have been waiting too long already and they will be breaking for summer soon enough! I want my show on!
I have two things yet to get and I will most likely have to do it on Christmas Eve, and at the mall no less. DAMN the luck right? Ugh. Oh and I have to finish a scarf for my stepsister too which I will do today on my lunch hour. THEN I still have to wrap everything…didn’t I just tell someone that I was done? Well, I LIED!

Oh and here is my joke for the day...you really need speakers for this one! I have seen this before but, too good to miss this again! Cleaver guys who did this!

***Parental Advisory!***

Oh no! My dad sent this and I HAD to post it...Click on letter to see writing better!

December twenty-first, two thousand & five...LAST time I will ever think of it again...

Happy Birthday, Rusty…I hate you for being such a bastard to me-and you know DAMN GOOD AND WELL that you were the love of my life, but nothing mattered to you but you. I am sorry, but I hope you have a crappy birthday-asshole.
I just needed to get that out because first thing this morning, I remembered that not only was it the first day of winter-but also his birthday.


On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
'Cause you know,
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me and you’ll never go
I'll stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore


***DISCLAIMER…He will NEVER read this so I am not worried that he would see it-and if he did-HE KNOWS I AM RIGHT!!!
But I kept on breathing, even thought I didn't think I could and if I made it through that-I can make it through almost anything.

Nickel Is Back!!!!! Nickelback-get it? Nevermind...

I have to first send out a big "sorry and holy crap now what?" To all my friends in NYC and New Jersery today for this crazy mass transit strike. GOOD LUCK!

Well, I have a new favorite CD…not just 1 song, THE WHOLE DAMN THING! It has been Default’s “One Thing Remains” since October. As my favorite-always in the closest CD player, Nickelback has edged them out this Saturday! Nickelback’s “All The Right Reasons.” OH-MY-GOSH…you know how on Silver Side Up there was “Figured You Out” Here is a snip it from how damn sexy (to me) that song is…

"I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test

I like the white stains on your dress

I like your pants around your feet

And I like the dirt that's on your knees

And I like the way you still say please

While you're looking up at me

You're like my favorite damn disease"

Maybe it is because I have freckles, I don’t know. I just LOVE THAT SONG! I can sing the whole thing in my head right now and BANG OUT THE DRUMS ON MY DESK! (But I will not!) I love Daniel Adair, the drummer. (I will post pic of band later) oooohhhhh his drumming is kick ass! He is another drummer that plays his drums SO HARD that I can feel it in my chest when I am driving my car, and it is only blaring a little bit-but I can still feel the drums! I have liked these guys since I first heard the song “Leader of Men.” But I didn’t find out it was them until later-but I bought “Silver Side up” because I heard on the radio “How You Remind Me” and fell in love with that song, then ran out and bought the CD. and fell in love with them. My boyfriend listened to slow Jimmy Buffet/easy listining/ some pop, and when I popped in Nickelback, HE WAS FREAKING! But he got used to it! “Woke Up This Morning” was my favorite from that CD. Now, to my NEW favorite Nickelback song, it is #4 on “All The Right Reasons.” Here are the words…

Animals

I, I’m driving black on black

Just got my license back

I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track

I’ll ask polite if the devil needs a ride

Because the angel on my right ain’t hanging out with me tonight

I’m driving past your house while you were sneaking out I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run

Your mom don’t know that you were missing

She’d be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I’ve been kissing

Screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in

Get in, just get in

Check out the trouble we’re in

You’re beside me on the seat

Got your hand between my knees

And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze

It’s hard to steer when you’re breathing in my ear

But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears

By now, no doubt that we were heading south

I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth

‘Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch

It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch

I’m screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in

Get in, just get in

Look at the trouble we’re in

We were parked out by the tracks

We’re sitting in the back

And we just started getting busy

When she whispered

“What was that?”

The wind, I think ‘cause no one else knows where we are

And that was when she started screamin’

“That’s my dad outside the car!”

Oh please, the keys, they’re not in the ignition

Must have wound up on the floor while we were switching our positions

I guess they knew that she was missing

As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing

Screamin’

No, we’re never gonna quit

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Just acting like we’re animals

No, no matter where we go

‘Cause everybody knows

We’re just a couple animals

So come on baby, get in

We’re just a couple of animals

Get in, just get in

Ain’t nothing wrong with it

Check out the trouble we’re in

Get in, just get in

Is this what I have to look forward to with my daughter? I am sure of it. But this is my favorite song so far on the CD! I listen to #4 first and then start back at #1. On the radio here they are over playing "Photograph" like they did with "Someday" from The Long Road. The whole damn CD is great! I run my ass of when I have it in-or actually, it has been too cold to run out, and I am awaiting Santa to bring me some YakTraxs form my sneakers-crap, for ALL OF MY SHOES! It is hard to run up here with all of the snow/ice on the road! So I just dance like a fool all around the house. I am making my daughter a little rocker-I am not sure if that is good or bad yet. I guess time will tell! Her favorite is still “Photograph.”

GO AND BUY IT PEOPLE!!! You WILL NOT be sorry! I promise!

Here is my daily funny...I really like this one! Yet should I be putting this joke on here TODAY of all days whilst I am putting up lyrics about fornication? I will go with a yes. Too cute of a joke to pass up today!

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.

At one house itseemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door Therefore, he took out a card and wrote:

"Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that hiscard had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message:

"Genesis3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Good Monday Giggles...

I forgot that I had these saved in an email...I checked to make sure I didn't post these already and I do not believe that I did...if I did, just chalk it up to me being like one of the fools below here!!!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can 't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

*****Can I first get on my political soap box a second and just say to anyone out there listening that I DO NOT QUESTION the government or the CIA’s job and that they are protecting OUR COUNTRY so GET HOT with the taping of incoming/outgoing international phone calls! If you are not doing anything wrong…WHY ARE YOU WORRIED? If it can save innocent lives from being blown up again, I say tape away!*****

Some more CHRISTMAS cheer!

I have always hated this crap. My sister and father used to drink it from the carton. It is to me what Phlegm would taste like if you added milk, sugar, and the cold of a refrigerator. YUCK!
*****THANKS MOLLIE! I can't spell...flem, phleghm...sounds the same damnit!!! = )*****

Will update later...HAD to post pic with all of the ice/snow we are getting today!!! = )
***It is a bit later...

Okay, it might just be me, but I thought that this was a really neat article…I just thought that Rudolph was a movie from my childhood. I never knew where the story originated. But try link below and read the story of how The Red Nose Reindeer came to life! = )
I found this on Yahoo.

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/rudolph.asp
Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2005
by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
This material may not be reproduced without permission.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER-
***I am just posting the link...NOT reproducing it!!!***

Funny for the day...
Subject: Fw: Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl
"Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, kept as many dogs as she wanted, drank beer, always had a clean house, never had to cook what she didn't want, had sex with whomever she pleased and farted whenever she wanted.
THE END

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

You would have to add to this fairy tale for me:
Have a child with an idiot, turn into the mother that could and wrap your entire life around raising this child, have said child who thinks YOU are the idiot, die alone farting, drinking and wondering how you could have done it differently...it is going to be lonely isn't it???

GO VOTE PEOPLE PLEASE!!!!!
VOTE FOR GIGGLECHICK!!!!!

I really have nothing to complain about EVER again after my day Tuesday…Nothing really bad can happen anymore that I can’t look back and say, “Well, this one day, EVERYTHING went wrong for me, but now, I just laugh when I think I am having a bad day.” Seriously, next time I am complaining about my kid, I had better jus remember what a trooper she was to run around with me all night like that in a freezing car. It must have been the McNuggets! If she gets upset, I will buy her McDonalds and all will be right with the world. Seems that way when you are a kid does it not? I bet McDonalds has even made a commercial about it. Like the one where the little boy brings his dad for show-in-tell? Tear jerker of a commercial! I am done ranting now…

Quizno’s is up for sale!!! Any buyers??? I would if I had a million-billion-gazillion dollars and didn’t know what else to spend all of it on! I have not eaten there in a long time…maybe I will today! I like the commercials with the little guy, Bob. (what is it with me a commercials today huh? Too much teevee you think? MEE TOO!)

I know I have written about my sister and that she is on the high end of being a hypochondriac…well, this morning I HAD to call her and tell her I was sorry and that SHE WAS RIGHT! I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong. (Probably because I am wrong A LOT!) Dupont, makers of TEFLON…she used to tell me…”It’s in everything…they don’t even tell you, but it is there and it is giving us cancer.” I would think, okay, another crazy thought in my poor big sisters way-more-worried-than mine-mind. But, good grief Charlie Brown…SHE WAS RIGHT! I say a big BULLSHIT to this lady Stacey-the senior vice president…because they WOULD have litigated it if they really WERE right, but they are NOT! This shit is in my carpet, on my couches, in the air where they spray it on the cars at the car washes for a better-I don’t even know what! God only knows what else…it is like Nicole said…its in EVERYTHING-and they are not telling us.

DuPont officials, who did not admit legal liability as part of the agreement, said they did not deliberately withhold information from the government and settled with EPA only to avoid a long and costly court battle. The agency could have fined the company as much as $313 million. The highest penalty previously levied by the agency was $6.4 million in 1994 against Tennessee Gas Pipeline Co.
"The fact of the matter is we could have litigated this, and some of my staff thought we should do that because we did nothing wrong," said Stacey J. Mobley, DuPont's senior vice president and general counsel. "We decided to put this matter behind us and move on. We need guidance from the agency as to what do they want. . . . Right now, after this settlement, I couldn't tell you."

It is coldddd here! (Duh dumbass, you live in Buffalo right?) I just want more snow! Last year we went to this really kick ass place that I went to as a kid. It is a place to go sledding and it is called Chestnut Ridge. I will take photos this year! It is a park and when I was little, they had toboggan chutes that we went down since for Christmas we got a toboggan! They are not open anymore-I am guessing for liability reason and people are so sue happy these days. BUT, the hills are still there!!! And we got a huge blow up raft/inner tube at the sporting store and went FLYING down the hill. Too much fun. I would let Max go down by herself with her little saucer and she would FLY down the hill! A few times she fell off early and got run into, but she just got her sled, ran to the side and came up to go again! When she
would make a full run, I would have to run down the walk up section to meet her and either carry her back up or just help her to not fall back and slide back down the hill. GREAT exercise for me, up the hill, run down the hill, up the hill, run down the hill. So I was thinking of this place here and how much I love it here and I came up with a small list of what I miss about Florida…It ain't much!

I Miss…
#1-My Dad (again!)
#2-Florida Grapefruit & Oranges
#3-Sleeping with the windows open in the winter with the great ocean breeze

What I Don’t Miss
#1-The fear of running into the “sperm donor”
#2-The humidity
#3-Cockroaches!!! Or Palmetto bugs!!!
They are 3 to 4 INCH FLYING roaches-the nastiest things on the planet! Just like the ones on Fear Factor that hiss, these FLY AT YOU! UGH! Maybe that should be #1 because #1 and #3 both make me shake with fear AND gross me out!
That’s about it… My Dad and the fruit…I won’t even get started on how much I LOVE it up here! I had better get going now…

***REMINDER***
ONLY 10 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT!!!!!!! I am done! Let me just type that again. I AM D-O-N-E done!

Damn Murphy And His Laws Vol. II

What happened to me yesterday is what stand up comics talk about. Thank goodness for my humor-or I would have maybe self-combusted! Here we go, I will break my day down for you all, it might seem silly at the beginning, but let me tell you…it just gets better and better near the end…

Up at 6:00am
6:05 coffee started. Max breakfast
6:35 Shower
6:57 Get myself and child ready for work/school
8:00 Out the door trying to get car started/de-iced
8:15 Drive small child to school
8:23 Walk child to door of school (because I am a freak and won’t let her go alone!)
8:27 Race back to car to go to work
SEEMS NORMAL ALREADY RIGHT? It is, it is actually going VERY WELL at this point…
8:27 put key in lock…won’t turn…pull out key…warm up lock with my gloved finger…almost get hit by crazy driving parent with a late child…
8:29 Put key in lock again and turn HARD…I bend the key…BUT DOOR OPENS! I can get in the car Good right? WRONG, oh so wrong. Key will not turn in ignition. I think no big deal, I will just use the cell and call my mom, SHIT! She went to Germany on vacation!!! I will try my step dad…(I AM EFFING FREEZING IN MY CAR) I call the step dad…NO EFFING ANSWER! I go into the school and ask for a hammer for my throbbing brain so I can do myself in PLEASE…(I never forget to say please…) janitor says he will be right back…
8:45 I now call work to say I will be late…no problem they say…I wait.
8:50 I have to stand up for the pledge.
8:56 Then, someone I know from moms neighborhood drives up with her child! I say, YOU ARE MY ANGEL! PLEASE drop me off at my moms? She told me no problem, she just needs to take the other two girls to school…
9:15 Neighbor drops me off at my moms place
9:20 I am looking for my spare key…MY MOM HAS IT IN GERMANY!!!
9:30 I get moms car un frozen and take her Volvo to work-she won’t need it
9:45 I am at the office. Message on desk to call one of my clients because the paperwork I sent to her-she says is wrong…(okay, she wanted to get a jump on this tax season, so she wanted her account totals from last year…I SENT HER ALL OF HER PAPERWORK…She just wanted the amounts…THEY WERE ON THERE BUT NO THAT IS NOT WHAT SHW WANTED. So, I had to baby her and just send her THE AMOUNTS…) Things all day were messed up, so I am not going there…
4:00 I get the child
4:15 I go through McDonalds…Put the window down and place my order. Max got the Chicken Mcnuggets kids meal. I ordered a fish sandwich…DO YOU THINK IT WAS RIGHT? No, I didn’t get what I ordered. I didn’t care at that point, because I now have a NEW ISSUE!
4:20 I am now sitting in McDonalds parking lot trying to make the window on my moms Volvo go back up! IT is stuck half way up…I think FUCK IT! I need a new key for my car!
4:25 I am off to West Herr Toyota…about 20-25 minutes away from me…I make Max sit in the front with me and I turn up the heat on full blast so we won’t be too cold.
4:40 Get to the dealership parts department…They look at key and tell me, “Yup, its bent.”I say, “Ummm” (BUT THINKING-No shit, aren’t you the fucking rocket scientist!”) “But we can make a new one from this.” I say, “Oh, Please, (and)Thank you.” (because NO MATTER WHAT I am polite and use my manners!)
4:50 I pay my bill and go…
5:15 Get to my car in front, mind you on the street (mind you here in Buffalo, you are NOT to park on the street after it snows because of the snow plows!) So I tell Max to wait, I am just goning to move my car to the school parking lot. But GUESS WHAT???
If you are guessing that the key didn’t work…YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? I couldn’t make this shit up I tell you! So I call the dealership and say…
“HI, I was JUST there to get a key made…” HE FUCKING INTERUPTS ME AND SAYS, “Oops, doesn’t work does it?”
I say, “NO SIR IT DOES NOT!” “DO YOU HAVE THE KEY CODE?”
He says, “Yes, we do, I get to work on that right now.” I say, "Good, I am on my way BACK RIGHT NOW…THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (I am ALWAYS polite!)
5:20 BACK OUT TO TOYOTA DEALERSHIP…
5:42 I get back to parts department and some man is standing there bullshitting with the parts guy about hunting of ALL things. NOT PARTS OR CARS, hunting. He was just there to suck up the minutes I so desperately needed…I wait…
5:49 (Cause NOW I am pissed…) Man in front of counter…”I havn’t even gotten none of my Christmas shopping done”
Guy behind counter “I haven’t got anything for my wife yet.”
Man in front “Me either, but she says she don’t want nothin’.” -YES PEOPLE, HE ACTUALLY SAID SHE DON’T WANT NOTHIN’…speech wise, it made my ears hurt!
(Me…making eye contact with guy behind counter with sheer frustration in my eyes…)
I finally interrupt and say,
Me “Your wife is lying…she really DOES want something…even if it is small, at least it will be something to open from you.”
This guy just STARES at me…I am thinking oh dude, PLEASE FUCK WITH ME, PLEASE!!!!! I need an asshole like you to just RIP INTO!
Guy behind counter “You are here for the key right?”
Me “YES I am…”
Guy hands me key without bill…
I ask, “How much?”
He says “No Charge.”
Being the polite person I am I say, Thank you…and stare back at asshole who is still staring at me…”MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!”
5:55 LEAVE STORE and do not get arrested for homicide
6:20 Back at car…KEY WORKS! I put my car in parking lot of school and take moms car to wrap up window-because the damn thing still will not go up.
Walk home with child.From there on the whole evening was blissful…

Can you believe my day????? Tuesday was my usual Monday.
I can’t even tell you how many times I said the serenity prayer…I said it a few times through clenched teeth too. I KNOW God was having a good laugh too-he HAD to be!

Joke of the day…THANKS DAD! I do not think that the rednecks will vote for a woman president…as I am all for a woman pres…JUST NOT HILIARY! She already HAD HER TURN THERE!

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in upstate New York to talkabout the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
1 ... Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2 ... Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
3 ... Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says,"OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have 5 questions:
1 ... “Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?”
2 ... “Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?”
3 ... “Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?”
4… ”Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?”
5 ... “And what happened to Kenneth?"

White Christmas-KISS MY ASS!

Happy Birthday to you MOM!!!

I HATE THE SNOW TODAY!!!!!
I broke off my windshield wiper…I am PISSED! It is snowing and the sun is out…should I look for the rainbow???
I am ALSO pissed about this Tookie Williams on-going bullshit. KILL HIM ALREADY!!! If Arnold gives him a stay of execution…it is only because he doesn’t want to piss off his actor friends AND NOTHING ELSE! We KNOW he is guilty! He NEVER EVEN apologized to the families for murdering their loved ones. (Sigh) Alright, I am off of the soapbox now.

Funny email joke from Dad…HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE this joke!

Subject: Guts or Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you reallyknow the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Oh and I talked to the guyiloveinflorida. <---Rember this entry?? He told me I had no life anymore, that I was boring, not going anywhere or doing anything except reading and being a mom. He told me to take a chance and get out there and try again or I was going to end up old and alone and even my daughter won’t want to be around me. Gee, I can’t WAIT TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN! Even if he is right…I don’t talk to him enough, you’d think he could blow some sunshine up my ass or something right??? Oh well, I get all giggly when we talk and I can’t stop smiling. Oh well, HE is my entertainment…I just don’t hear form him often enough! I should have told him that. Maybe in 6 months or so…when I hear from him again. Lets hope so. Even if it is for entertainment purposes only-MY ENTERTAINMENT! HAHAHA. A bit selfish aren't I?

I don’t feel my age. Not that I should be broken down because I am only 36. Mentally I don’t feel my age either…I wonder, am I supposed to? Let me explain, these teenage girls came into the office to put a flyer in the window, and they said madam … were they thinking I look old? DO I LOOK OLD? I still get carded once in a while, but I think that the store clerks are just being nice. I used to do that too, but people got mad at me when I did it at 16! But me looking old, that is scaring the crap out of me…I doubt that I would ever have plastic surgery, but maybe it might be an option when I am 60 or so. Goodness, if I even live that long!!!!! (If I am done paying for Max’s college by then! HAHAHA I will try, but I can’t afford ALL of it.)

So the stepbrother left town today. We did the whole present thing on Saturday night. Yeah, whatever, I spent WAY TOO much money on them…They did get Maxine Cranium…THAT’S GONNA BE FUN! I dig board games! I really like the stepbrother…I am not so fond of the wife. She is needy-and that is ALL I AM GOING TO SAY. Except that I hope he doesn’t end up sorry he married her. I really don’t fit in here…I think that people are only nice to me because I am related to my stepbrother and stepsister. They are big shots here in town-they are really good people-don’t get me wrong, I just look like the sad screwed up relative-with a child and no man…But at least I am happy and my baby is happy…I just try to read into things and I should stop, nut I have been this way F-O-R-E-V-E-R, so I doubt it will stop anytime soon.

I have this!!!
Poor-man's Security System
How To Install a Poor-man's Security System:
Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots a really big pair.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.
Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.
Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
"Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in a hour.
Don't disturb the pitbulls; they've just been de-wormed."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Question Of The Day…You know the old saying, “There are NO stupid questions?” Well, I can prove that there is THIS one!
Who will update this blog when I am dead???

Sorry Erin, I should have done it sooner...! But I don't think a lot of people are here like on yours...WORTH A SHOT!

She is my inspiration!!!!!
GO!
GO NOW AND VOTE FOR GIGGLECHICK!!!!!
I am!!!
She has THE BEST designs!!!!!
I WILL resort to begging...
PLEASE....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!
No, but really, she does have THE best designs and if I was not the same age as Erin, I would want to be her when I grew up!!!!!
So go and vote damnit!!!!!

"You'll Put Your Eye Out Kid..."

I just love that movie...A Christmas Story...A classic...I want a leg lamp...

I just felt like sharing that I have nightmares about this...The one where you are flying through the air and you are falling to sudden death and then BAM! You jerk yourself awake. I HATE those.

Busy day, I am sick, I am going to go to bed SOON!

My pockets are empty...and she wants MORE crap...

This is my favorite Christmas song, if it can even be considered a Christmas song. I am not sure why but it makes me sad now a days. Oh well.

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totaled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record store
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'
The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain

I have been so darn busy with all of the Christmas shopping and such…My step dads family is coming in from out of town, so a lot more thought goes into gift giving this year. Not a lot for gift card mailing…that really is a lot easier I tell you! The step brother and new wife are a whole other story when I have more time…The “Perfect” stepsister sent out the most perfect Christmas card with a picture of their son on the front. I mean you look at the photo and think…holy moly, how could things ever be bad there? But I know better…I wonder if she still likes the bike. (See this entry)
For Christmas, we got her a thing that looks like a red tent that you hook to the bike and drag you kids on behind you. I think it is cool, and I have seen them around here, but with my luck, it would break off and my kid would have went flying down a hill without me-but that is just what I think. I am going to get one of those tandem things you can hook a bike on top your existing bike…it looks cool. But my kid would want to ride her own bike and not with me-I can see that happening if I get it. SO I am sure I wont!
I am really sick right now. WICKED sore throat and fever. I need to get to the doctor for some antibiotics…but I am too busy! I bet my keyboard is just crawling with germs…ewww. I will clean it soon. AFTER I get some antibiotics! HA HA HA!

MM's Christmas play was today…it was so cute! I ended up standing up in the back because #1-I do not fit in here in this town, #2-I had the SUPER lens on the new birthday/Christmas camera…DID YOU ALL SEE THIS YET? (click here if not) and #3-I just don’t fit in here…It is like on Sesame Street…(play music) “Which one of these things is NOT like the other…” That would be ME! The single, poor, unmarried mother! I am pretty sure that a lot of the bullshit I am talking about is all just me being ridiculous, but I am not sure, so I keep on worrying about it. It feels really good to get it all out on here though!

OH and my stupid show is on tonight…Lost. Let me tell you how “Lost” I really am. SAME thing with “Grey’s Anatomy.” WHY are Derek and Meredith NOT TO GETHER??? I liked it a lot better with all of the sexual tension that they had going on! Oh well, they keep me watching to see if it will happen again, so WHO IS THE FOOL? If you answered YOU…YOU are CORRECT!

I was reading some b.s. About the Titanic yesterday that they think it sunk faster that previously thought…here is what the guy who originally found it had to say…(this is great!)

"The breakup and sinking of the Titanic has never been accurately depicted," said Parks Stephenson, a Titanic historian who took part in Monday's conference.
The 46,000-ton ocean liner was billed as "practically unsinkable" by the publicity magazines of the period. But it struck an iceberg on its maiden voyage just before midnight on April 14, 1912, and sank the following day. About 1,500 people died.
Explorer Robert Ballard found the bulk of the wreck in 1985, at a depth of 13,000 feet and about 380 miles southeast of Newfoundland. Ballard was not impressed with the expedition's find.
"They found a fragment, big deal," he said. "Am I surprised? No. When you go down there, there's stuff all over the place. It hit an iceberg and it sank. Get over it."
HA HA HA! How correct is he? I agree.

Then there is this…I found it a while ago and forgot to put it up here…it would take 88.88 cups of brewed coffee to kill me…I doubt that because I KNOW that I have had more than that around tax season!

THEN…I was being a Yahoo/Google whore and looking to see if I could find myself on-line…guess what…I DON’T exist on there! I am not sure if that is good or bad yet. But here are two of the top contenders! First…Second…

THEN there is what I was writing about the other day about the kid…Mine and another girl on the bus wrote on the seat. Well, I DO NOT BELIEVE mine did it because of what the neighbor girl said. But then again, I don’t want to think she would EVEN THINK of doing what she might have done. The seat in front of her was written on and it reads, “Maxine is gay” L-O-V-E-L-Y huh??? It also says “Emily is…?” No one can read the rest. It doesn’t look like Maxine’s writing and she doesn’t have markers and she can’t spell G-A-Y by herself. MIND you, know meanings to the word! I can sing, “I feel pretty…” so she might know it means happy, but I doubt it. Now, the second grader knows what it means in the BAD sense AND said to her mom…”Maxine asked to borrow a marker to do her homework before school…” Maxine does her homework in PENCIL-and she does it at home-not on the bus…THEN the second grader admitted to writing, “is” but she told her mom THAT WAS THE ONLY WORD SHE WROTE! I usually know when my kid is lying, I swear she was telling me the truth when she said she didn’t do it. That is besides the fact that I don’t want to believe that she did it. The neighbor is known to lie-her momma told me that! I really wish that they had cameras on the bus!!! So, that is why I was so pissed…I am now just ignoring it all and she is NOT allowed to ride the bus in the morning. 45 minutes on the bus UN attended is WAY too long when we live 5 minutes from school…so now I drive her. So there is the story…
I am now going to go home and feed the kid then soak in a HOT tub and crawl into bed with the little one…nighty-night everyone…

I MISS BLAKE!!! = (