I'm Baaccckkkkkk.....

I have been awol for awhile trying to get my life straight...my will in order and just all of the non-fun things a girl has to do when she is changing her life...or better yet, when her life is changing for her. So I took time off from blogging because I was so frigging busy. STILL am, I just have to get on here and catch up on all of my reading that I have missed!! That will take a while.

Prayers go out to Bob Woodruff. How crappy. I sure hope he and Doug Vogt pull through.

So, I had all these tests done and #1, they want my gall bladder…Well, I AM KEEPING IT! I did an all-natural cure. It worked! I will post the recipe here.
6oz of cold pressed olive oil
5oz of Classic Coke in a can
2tbsp lemon juice.
Put all in blender and drink right before bed.
In morning, drink 1 10oz bottle of Magnesium Citrate…and wait…
Um, Um, good I tell you. (Not really. It was gross, but it worked!)

I am so tired of worrying about these damn doctor appointments! I am canceling the one for the surgery today, and now I am waiting for the results from the colposcopy. Boy that was good fun! Have someone look at your insides with a microscope and then scrape a good chunk of your insides out. OW! Then they put some crap up inside of you to stop the bleeding. Then that burns. Then people ask me why I do not like going to the doctor. I was a sickly kid. I was in the doctors’ office a lot. I do not have anything against doctors…I just don’t like going! I mean they do not make it pleasurable! It’s not like you get a free movie while you wait! Just a “We will call you with the results.” So hurry up and wait, as my girlfriend Angie says. I. HATE. THAT. I will find out something by Valentines Day.

There is a picture on my Yahoo news (that I will NOT post here.) of Chinese guy holding a large dead dog and the caption says he will be serving dog...I can't even look at the shot, I just saw a thumbnail...come on people, really? I will never eat Chinese again. Dogs? How awful and nasty is that? I would NEVER eat my dog-or any dog for that matter! That is like that movie where the plane crashed and they were up there for so long and they ate the dead people to stay alive. I hope I am never in that situation, but let me tell you…I think I would starve.

Did I tell you all that I stopped eating meat? Well I did on the 5th of January. I feel good about it. I was with Mom and she was making my favorite lemon chicken and she kept saying, “Um, it smells soooo good-doesn’t it?” I did fine…then she made a pork roast a week later…my love of pork goes WAY back. But I didn’t cave! Read this book, Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and you won’t eat meat anymore either! THEN, talk to Pam Anderson and you won’t be eating chicken anymore either! Anyway, I have made a conscious decision to stop eating meat. I will let my daughter decide for herself, but I am only buying meat if SHE wants it. She can get it at Grandma’s or when we go out. My sister is SO proud! Actually she is just telling me that everyone is going to blame her for me not eating it. But I know better. Now, I just need to find some vitamins to take.

P.S. A Big Thanks to Blake...I will let you know! I am also trying to still get my high school pic scanned for you to post here! ;)

Balls coming from everywhere! I can't juggle...

I need a new place to live...
I am HAVE to find a better paying job...
My mom is leaving her husband and we are all going to live together...(thats pretty cool actually!)
More on all of this shit later...

Making me laugh-it is the best medicine ever...

HAHAHA The sperm donor did it again! He didn't want to pay child support and brought a case to the court system to establish paternity...Haha...But, this poor girl is deciding to keep him in the child's life...(I am shaking my head...) I was so glad he decided to sign off custody of mine so she would have a better life...I went to the court page because I check to make sure he is still in Florida...this is what I saw...(well there was a lot more but this was the good stuff...) He is the respondent

CASE 2004-30842 IS CONSOLIDATED INTO THIS CASE
314.08+50/MO START 01102006
RESP IS THE FATHER
NO MED INS
RESP PAY 280.20 COSTS W/IN 1YR

I. LOVE. IT. As they say..."Revenge is a dish best served cold..." Ahhh, sweet revenge..."they" do themselves in if you are patient and wait..."They" referring to anyone who has done someone damage-and laughed. Anyone who tried to make someone feel like a piece of shit verbally and physically-and told him or her they were lucky to have them... My bruises have healed...I just hope my daughter will understand one day why I did this for us...that she says she doesn't care if she doesn't have a dad...but deep down, does she really care? Ohhh, I am not thinking of this now...

Do you ever wonder if a blog you are reading is of someone you you know or used to know? I sometimes do. I think I am going to post my blog on classmates.com...the little snip it they give you to post something that other classmates read...yeah, I am going to do that. See what really happens...
***Okay, I tried it and it will not let you because of offensive material...yup, mine IS offensive! Oh well...they want their money too don't they? It is NOT about connecting with old friends damn it...it is about give us our money and you can see what other people put up here...that's it…They are only concerned with the bottom line. Butt heads! =)***

Brokeback Mountain is a BIG favorite for the Golden Globes...I sure hope this town gets the damn movie!!! I have been waiting and waiting! I bet you they win tonight. My love...Jake Gylllleennnhhaaallllllll...oh-la-la.

I miss my grandparents. There are so many things I want to ask them now at my age. I wish I would have thought of these questions-and asked them when they were alive...People who keep talking about global warming need to come and talk to me here in Buffalo...IT IS FREEZING =) Plus, how do we even know if this is just one of earths normal cycles? WE. DO. NOT. As my dad puts it..."It isn't like the cave men went and wrote on the walls about how it was two degrees hotter than normal every year." That cracks me up. Good old dad-he never sugar coats anything. He just tells it like it is. Another one of my favorites is, "You are lucky you didn't marry Rusty-he was an asshole to you." I so needed to be reminded of that every now and then! Then what he doesn't says about the sperm donor is good too...never a "What the hell were you fucking thinking?!" Like everyone else says. He just shakes his head. That slight movement is enough; because I know...But I do NOT know what the hell I was thinking when it came to him!

Thanks for the jokes Dad...I will have more to post later...Not too much new.

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon :

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

On a Septic Tank Truck:

"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..."

Pizza Shop Slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push"

At an Optometrist's Office :

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

Happy Friday...THE 13th!!!

This says it all...I found out some disturbing news yesterday...I will post it later today. Happy Firday...The 13th!!! It is my sisters lucky day...the 13ths are lucky for her. But this year she has the flu-(NOT the bird kind thank heavens). So she is not feeling up to her big-sister self...Get better Colie...Disturbing news later...It is about the big "C"...for a hint to anyone...

**UPDATE**

So, the big C word is C-E-R-V-I-X…and maybe some cancerous cells…well already some PRE cancerous cells…what is killing me is:

I quit smoking
I am not having sex- (not by choice!)
I am eating healthy
I am taking my folic acid
Now WHY all of a sudden am I all screwed up???

It must be Murphy’s Law again…I think maybe I should start having sex again. But with WHO is the question…Anyhow…I am fine…I will be just fine…I will post about it later after my doctors appointment on January 27th. Oh, I also have an appointment with the surgeon on the January 24th to see when he is going to go up through my belly button and suck out my gal bladder. L-o-v-e-l-y. 36 is beginning to look like the year of the doctors for me. Ugh.

LOOK AT ME - LOOK AT ME!!!

Today is a good day for a blog whore…I was on blogbrity yesterday seeing who is listed and I just happened to notice they have these cool buttons for you blog, well I kinda wanted one so I sent them this funny email…

Even if it is just because I wanna put the kick ass pink button on my blog!!!!
http://worrywoman.blogspot.com/
Shawn Mat...Mat... with TWO T's...HAHAHA-
Hey it was worth a shot right?
(I took off my full name here)

So then I get to thinking that I might not ever hear from these people because I am such a tiny fish in this big blog pond, so I sent them this email…

Oh my gosh, even better...make a button that says..."I am NOT on the list!"
I need THAT one! Pink & Black please!
Again, Take Care,
Shawn...

Funny right? ( I think so) So then this morning, I have this waiting for me in my inbox…

Congrats—you made the list:
http://blogebrity.com/thelist

Keep up the great work!

Kyle Bunch
Blogebrity

HOLY SHIT!!! So I am now PROUDLY displaying my blogbrity button! THANKS GUYS!!!Now on to more pressing issues instead of my "it is all about me" attitude today...

I really thought this was cool...can we put a camera in a mans brain to see if he really is just thinking about drinking and seeing something naked like Jeff Foxworthy says? Or how about one in a womans brain to see if she is thinking about shoe shopping, what her kid(s) are doing, where in the heck is her man & just what is he really doing, or what time is sex in the city on...(I am usually thinking about shoes and the kid!) I am sure they have done this test already. I must have missed it though because I was shoe shopping...

Creepy story for today...from Yahoo News...

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian man 'mummified' the body of his 71-year-old mother when she died, stashing it away in the bedroom wardrobe three years ago and sealing it with silicone gel.
The grisly secret was kept until this week, when the landlord stumbled upon the "house of horrors" during a routine check of the rented property near the north Italian town of Aqui Terme.
He first found the body of the 35-year-old son, Mirko Sartori, who police said was killed while working on his car.
"He (Sartori) wrote a note: 'Mother forgive me'," the wife of the landlord, who asked not to be identified, told Reuters on Tuesday. "They went looking for the mother, and found her in the wardrobe."
Police suspect the son hid the body of his mother, Anna Pelloni, so that he could continue receiving her pension check of about 900 euros ($1,086) per month.
A preliminary autopsy placed the mother's death around the end of 2002. Her body was fairly well preserved inside the airtight cupboard.
"It was like she was mummified," said one police official, who asked not to be named.

His Momma is going to kick his ass in heaven...

Since it is jolly old Tax season...I will start off with the first set of IRS jokes...because I am losing my mind here under all od these 1099's & W-2's...

Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 2004 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see
the pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for
a toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value
$1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election
Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them
one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays
$22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer

Happy Friday EVE everyone!!!

Can you believe THIS?...

Splits with Jennifer last January...Divorce final in October...Brad knocks up Angelina before ink is dry on divorce papers...I do not like him anymore...January's look like they are always quite busy for Mr. Pitt. This just confirms why I am single. Besides the fact that I am set in my ways!

"Yes, I'm pregnant," the magazine quoted Jolie as telling a charity aid worker Monday in the Dominican Republic, where she is filming "The Good Shepherd" with Matt Damon.
The report says the pregnancy was confirmed by representatives of both stars, but does not identify them by name.
The news comes one month after papers were filed to make Pitt the adoptive father of Jolie's two children. Jolie sought to change the names of the children to Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Jolie- Pitt.
Pitt accompanied Jolie to Ethiopia in July to pick up Zahara, now 1 year old. Jolie's son, now 4 years old, was adopted from Cambodia.
Pitt and actress Jennifer Aniston announced their separation last January, and Aniston filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences. The divorce became final in October.
Pitt, 42, has denied Jolie, 30, was behind the split.

I am expirencing technical difficulties...

Here we go again...
I hated the black so I am just going to tweak the colors tomorrow!
PLEASE EXCUSE MY MESS!!!

It is unseasonably warm here in Buffalo…BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I just hate the mud that the dogs & kid track in the house and in the car! But it will wash. No snow what-so-ever. It looks like spring already. I didn’t even wear a coat today. But I do have on long underwear, a turtle neck, a sweater, a skirt with tights and my UGG boots. Because the higher ups here like it to be just above freezing at the office. Makes me crazy. I have a blanket under my desk that I cover up my lap with to stay warm too! They all make fun of me-but I am warm!




What is it about guys + dogs that = attractive? Has anyone done a study of that yet? There was a guy this morning I was on my way to work that was jogging with his 2 standard poodles…BIG poodles…one black, one white. The dogs were just as graceful as the male specimen was! It just made him even cuter with two girly dogs…I bet his wife/partner thinks so also, because I doubt that a single guy has standard poodles for himself. So with that said, here is my joke for Tuesday…(thanks Dad!)

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking…I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things, We both know who's boss here!!!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you ???

Can we all be connected by Blogs too?

How cool is this? Are we all really linked to each other in 6 steps? I would like to study that myself-but I do not have any time! (I found this on my Yahoo news page)

The theory that everyone in the world is separated by at most five acquaintances was first proposed in a 1929 short story by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy. The story was called "Chains," and while the six degrees theory was a purely fictional conceit, the idea proved popular.

In 1967, psychologist Stanley Milgram tried to test the theory by sending several letters to random people in the Midwest. The letter featured the name, address, and occupation of a single person on the East Coast; participants were asked to forward the letters to the people who they thought were most likely to know the person. It took an average of five intermediaries to reach the target.
The experiment came into some scrutiny afterwards, but the results were published in Psychology Today and gave birth to the phrase "six degrees of separation." Playwright John Guare popularized the term with his play, which later became a film starring a then up-and-coming Will Smith. But get this -- the original 1967 experiment was repeated in 2001 with email, and the same results came back! Then there's that whole Kevin Bacon business....

Speaking of separation, I am still looking for my good friend Greg Nauser…if anyone out there in the blog-o-sphere knows him…direct him to my site PLEASE. I tried to keep in contact with him but he dropped the ball…so maybe that is a good reason to quit looking for him isn’t it? I doubt he wants to be found? Oh well, I doubt I would find him anyway-even though my sister doesn’t live to far away from him…they were friends too-Greg & my sister.

So, thinking of Greg and the whole thing I have with redheads- (Greg was my first redhead love.) my new favorite show is Four Kings…How funny was that? I was laughing my ass off. I hope it stays on! Seth Green-what a cutie!!!

Nothing else really new from this weekend. I hate this blog set up. Going to change it tonight maybe…playing Monopoly with the little one is too fun! Except she bought all the railroads and I was going broke!!! She is still a bit mouthy-but we are working on that…Miss dad. He is doing wonderful though, so I am happy. Getting airline tickets to Florida for the summer!!! Going to sweat my brains out on the beach for a whole week!!! Maybe take Max to Disney…

OH MY GOSH-too cute!

This photo below of the Hippos came from cute overload...a MUST see site!

I am still looking for more kissy-kissy photos...happy post today I will post something nice if it kills me!

I will post a funny Maxine story later-I remembered from when she was 31/2...

This is NOT normal right? or does this happen a lot and theyare just telling us now?

WTF? What is up with these two headed animals??? I can blame the mad cow on silly stuff-but how the hell did these animals get TWO HEADS instead of one? Brings on a WHOLE NEW meaning of "Two heads are better than one," does it not?




Tomorrow...kissie-kissie pics!

I sometimes hate Hyper-Text-Mark-Up Language!!!

Goodness-trying to write HTML language is like getting pliers to pull out your own teeth! Thank the Lord for people like my dad who do this shit for a living!

Now I have to make a new banner-this one looks like crap with my lettering…when it was orange-it looked like Halloween…

Gotta get to work now.

Why do I even try to do this?

I am just a little TOO busy fucking up my blog and trying to fix it to post anything...
Other than that...New Year so far has been GREAT!
Then~is this a great shot or what? My camera does that! It takes 2.5 pictures per second!
Now I am off to try to fix this!