Did I forget to mention that Friday night my daughter decided she wanted short hair??? So, off it went! I wanted her hair long...she wanted it short. I remember my mom always giving me a boys haircut when I was a little girl and I hated it, so I let her have it short. She loves it. SHE LOOKS OLD!
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm goingto bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for awhile. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know? The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her."
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible! Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful! What part is it?" replies his mother. The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls "That's terrible. Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q: How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb?
A -(Sigh) don’t bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want I should bother anybody.
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."
This here is my give a fuck meter...I am just wondering if I am going to give a fuck today...Looks like a no.
