I AM Cranky. So Here Is Just A Joke...
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives,whether they are our own,grandchildren,nieces,nephews,or students...here is something to make you chuckle.Whenever your children are out of control,you can take comfort from the thought thateven God's omnipotence did not extendto His own children.After creating heaven and earth,God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was"DON'T!"
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied,wondering why He hadn't stoppedcreation after making the elephants.A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple breakand He was ticked!"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "God asked.
"Uh huh,"Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "said the Father."I don't know,"said Eve.
"She started it! "Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,God's punishment was that Adam and Eveshould have children of their own.Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,don't be hard on yourself.If God had trouble raising children,what makes you think it would bea piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their lifeteaching them to walk and talk. Then you spendthe next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's rewardfor not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.In fact,they usually repeat word for wordwhat you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's partiesis to remind yourself that there are childrenmore awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids, or whoever will be close enough to stand on your air supply hose. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSIONAND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
To those of us who have children in our lives,whether they are our own,grandchildren,nieces,nephews,or students...here is something to make you chuckle.Whenever your children are out of control,you can take comfort from the thought thateven God's omnipotence did not extendto His own children.After creating heaven and earth,God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was"DON'T!"
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "God replied,wondering why He hadn't stoppedcreation after making the elephants.A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple breakand He was ticked!"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? "God asked.
"Uh huh,"Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "said the Father."I don't know,"said Eve.
"She started it! "Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,God's punishment was that Adam and Eveshould have children of their own.Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,don't be hard on yourself.If God had trouble raising children,what makes you think it would bea piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their lifeteaching them to walk and talk. Then you spendthe next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's rewardfor not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.In fact,they usually repeat word for wordwhat you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's partiesis to remind yourself that there are childrenmore awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids, or whoever will be close enough to stand on your air supply hose. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSIONAND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
posted by worry woman at Tuesday, September 20, 2005
2 Comments:
I'm cranky too! This joke rules, and I love the "racisim" billboard below. That is my new favorite! Also, I am starting to have a man-crush on Jake Gyllenhal in anticipation of his new movie, JarHead. That is going to be awesome!
Blake
PS Thanks for coming to my defense yesterday! Such kind words and I really appreciate them.
Blake, hahahaha man crush, too funny! In my defense, I did see that trailer for Jarhead when I went to see a movie but I was not paying attention enough to know that it was Mr. Gyllenhaal! Shame on me! (I just like to say his name…Gyyylleeennnhaaallll…It really rolls right off of the tongue doesn’t it?) He is pretty to me. I will go and see it! I think that the slip in slide billboard and the Sushi-still your best bet for intestinal worms are my top two favorite. The racism one is funny because I am a cracker.
And that jerk is pissing me off, so I had to say something…not that it will matter, but it felt good to type it…and thanks, your blog really picks me up!
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