Betty darn Crocker I am NOT!

I am pretty busy today, I am still looking for my 10th grade picture that Blake told me to post...hopefully tomorrow or if i find it, later today. I am off now to make cookies with the little one...pumkin shaped ones and bats. Too bad I said we would make them from scratch. It would be SO much easier to buy the cut outs...rolling dough is fun for her though. we will see how this turns out! Betcha we make some Christmas ones too when she sees the cookie cutters!

This post by Heather was just too funny! I am not the only one!

I think there are Penguins in my back yard

My dad sent these to me. They are refrigerator magnets for the modern woman. Pretty funny I think.
Not too much new. My dad is well. I love having him here. I can talk to him about freezing my arse off and he will understand and not laugh or call me a wimp. On Halloween night, it is COLD! Maxine is going to be a geisha girl. Not in full kimono regalia, but close and she will have to wear a coat. It will be hard to appreciate her costume, but when I was a kid, if people didn’t ask what you were, they wanted you to do a trick or something. Not today though. I am pretty sure they will just throw some candy in the bag and that will be it. No one will appreciate her costume but me. When I handed out candy, I wanted to know what everyone was…I was an ass like that. Especially the older kids…I always asked “So what are you this evening?” Especially when they came in regular clothes with a painted face and a hat on. I was a jerk like that. I had good candy too because I didn’t want to spend money on healthy candy that I would just throw away! I ended up eating leftovers! I am still that way today, except, my kids likes sponge bob things and just plain old Hershey bars…I just got her to try kit kat bars, she digs those and I LOVE reses peanut butter cups…I always have those on Halloween, I eat one, give some away…it works like that. I end up awake all night from the sugar…well, now I just take out the little one and FREEZE up here and I keep the candy unless there are late night kids. I don’t buy like I used to. All of the leftovers go into her bag now. I sneak one here and there.
Maybe some jokes tomorrow…I thought that they were moving the clocks back in November…didn’t they pass that? To save energy? I guess not…jerks!

What a week it has been...

Okay, so I have been gone a while since it was birthday week…I was so busy, and still am. But then I got in a car wreck. NOT a big one, a small one because I still am not too familiar with the effed up roads up here. Long story sort of short…I Was in the left lane on a 4-lane road. I swerved into right lane to avoid LARGE SUV that didn’t know where it was going and stopped in traffic before pulling into median. Well, in my blind spot is a BRAND NEW SPORTS CAR. Yeah, I hit him…I got out of my car with the child and this cat didn’t even get out nor would he look at me. So he is on the phone with the cops and I pull into a field. 45 minutes later a cop comes. I get out and I am now CRYING like an idiot. I say, “I’m so sorry” to the guy I hit. He laughs and says, “It’s alright,” The cop tells me to get into my car and wait. I get a look at the guy who I hit…and I thought if he was 23, I would eat my hat…I get the police report…THE BOY CAN’T EVEN DRINK LEGALLY IN THE US!!!!! He is 20. So, back to the cop…he gets my info, goes to his car, came back and said, “Is this your daughter?” I say, “Yes” “What’s her name?” I say her name…” How old is she?” I tell him, then the cop says, “Last name the same as yours?” I said, “Uh, yes…” He said it to me all nasty, JUST LIKE THAT! I was pissed! He wrote her name down and said “You can go…” I then went to my dads where I cried and looked in the mirror to see if I had the word S-L-U-T tattooed on my forehead. I did not. Now I have to get the car fixed and UGH! I am over this mess! I have been driving for 19 years. This is only my second accident EVER! Unless you count the one that happened to me April of 04 when an open recall letter from Ford was never sent to me about the LOWER CONTROL ARM failure they have on all 2000-2002 models…yeah, I was doing 70 down the interstate when the damn wheel just fell off of my car!!!!! That is a whole different story. I do NOT count that accident as my fault for the simple fact that I didn’t hit any other cars, just trees…and the wheel was supposed to stay on the car-if it did, I would still have it!
I have not been able to read any of my favorite blogs! = ( I will do that tonight…I can’t now, I have to get my ass to work.
By the way, IT IS FREEZING UP HERE AGAIN! I wonder if my blood will ever thicken up?
I will be cleaning or showering and I think of all these great things I want to write, then I can’t because I forget. I HATE THAT!
Oh, and again, I have self-diagnosed myself. I have PCOS…I read it in a magazine and looked at it online. I think I have that…well, I KNOW I have some of the symptoms, I just have to get checked out. This is why I think now that my pap came back with abnormal cells.
I will post some funnies tomorrow.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

It was SOMEBODYS seventh birthday yesterday.
I am still trying to recover from all the joy and cake.
Too soon she will be seventeen and off to college.
WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF THEN?????

I do so like tests...well, SOME tests.

I find these things and I end up taking a bunch of them. They are addicting! The crayon color that never made it that they say I am is Time 'O The Month...funny huh?

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker. You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side.Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You Are 29 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I want a room with a view...

My dad sent this email to me...

Subject: Do you need to be institutionalized?
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,
and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the drain
plug."
Do you want a room with or without a view?

I TOTALLY thought the bucket...
THANKS DAD! Now I KNOW I am a nut case!
I am off now to a wedding in Rochester...I wish I was staying home.

It really sucks growing up

Alrighty then...So I had a call yesterday that my pap smear came back with abnormal cells...Great. Who came up with that name anyway... Pap Smear? Why don't they call it what it really is...CUTTING AN HUGE CHUNK OUTTA YOUR CERVIX SO WE CAN LOOK AT IT? Ugh. They frigging hurt. Not to mention that my uterus is inverted and it takes them 3 minutes to dig around in my most personal & private parts to find the damn thing that they are taking a sample from...bottom line, cervical cancer is the worlds slowest growing cancer, I am not to worry...H-E-L-L-O...do they NOT know the name of my blog...???So nothing to do now but wait, yes, I did say wait and do another in three months. Lovely huh? To top it all off, I had a small gal bladder flare up last night to. So I will get the upper GI done now and have the thing taken out...BUT THAT IS IT! I am keeping the uterus! I am not going on hormone pills! See, I was wigging about the period thing and now it is because I am making too much estrogen...well, my sister read that to me last night. She is the queen of knowng what is wrong and all I had to do was call her and she knew what it was. I wonder why she is not a doctor instead of a teacher? Too much school I guess...Abnormal cells...I keep thinking of Young Frankenstien when he went to get the brain and egor was telling Dr. Frankenstien what the name next to the brain had said ...
Egor- "Abby...Abby something."
Dr Frankenstien-"ABNORMAL?"
Egor-"YES, yes, that's it. Abby Normal!"
I am "Abby Normal." Funny huh? That is a great movie. Gene Wilder, Terri Garr, Chloris Leachman and Madeline Kahn...I Think that was her name...AND SHE DIED FROM CANCER!!!! Oh brother.
My little one is doing great...I don't remember first grade having so much homework, but they do! Reading, spelling and math every night. Then on Fridays she has a journal to write in and a poetry notebook. When she slows down, her work is really nice. But half of the time she just whizzes through it and it is sloppy. It is hard for me to get her to understand that quality is better that quantity. Maybe she will grow up and work in a factory where it is better to be fast. I hope not!

Email from dad...

A SYNOPSIS.
Don't know the guy who wrote this, but sure sums things up for me.
Subject: McComb aftermath of Katrina
To my friends and family, What I have seen since Katrina:
The poor and the wealthy hurt by the storm.
Black, white, Hispanic, Oriental and Indian all hurt by the storm.
Christian people giving, giving, giving. Churches going all out to minister in Jesus' name.
Neighbors going door to door helping one another.Thugs and hoodlums going door to door looking for someone vulnerable.
Ice and water being fought over as police tried to keep the peace.
People coming up from New Orleans taking over empty houses because shelters are full.
Out of town volunteers coming with food and staying for weeks now and still serving it.
The Churches all over this part of the country doing what Christians do in a crisis.
Fema doing a wonderful job in getting help to us.
The Red Cross doing a great job in the shelters.
The Salvation Army doing a great job in the community.
Four Hundred crewman from everywhere bringing back the power to our homes, churches and businesses.
Lines at service stations a block to a mile long.
National Guardsman patrolling the streets of McComb along with Kentucky policemen protecting us from the hoodlums and thugs of McComb, Pike County and New Orleans (the most dangerous city in the world before Katrina.)
Drug dealers working outside shelters. Doctors, nurses and other hospital personnel working tirelessly, even sleeping in the hospital to do the job God called them to do.
WHAT I HAVE NOT SEEN:
The ACLU setting up a feeding line.
People for the American Way helping in the shelters.
The NAACP doing any work volunteer or otherwise whatsoever.
The American Atheist organization serving meals in the shelters.
Jesse Jackson directing traffic at the gas stations.
I could go on, but you get my message. It 's the Christian people with love and compassion that do the work.The gripers in Congress should come on down and get in line to passthe water and the ice.Are you listening Hillary, Chuck, Teddy and all the sorry loafers we call Senators and Congressmen? They don't have a clue as to what this life is all about here on the Gulf Coast.
Boy, I feel better now.

I feel like it says a lot also. Where are they? They say they are "here to help." I say bullshit. They are only helping when it suits THEM. Selfish buttheads. Okay, I am off the soap box. Have a great day everyone!

NO MORE PHOTOS...I am trying to protect the little one.

So I was putting laundry away last night (after the Bills game…gooo Bills!) and watching Dateline NBC…There was a young girl on there that had a blog on live journal and some creep found her and ended up killing her. Her name was Taylor Behl and she was only 17. This guy was 38! Then I go on to listen that …never mind. Go read the story if you didn’t see it last night. It is some pretty scary stuff. It is just horrible the world we live in and how trusting most of us still are. And worse yet, how people who cheat at gambling get 25 years in prison with NO CHANCE for parole, but child molesters and murderers get out in 5 for good behavior. The system loses them and oh you all know the screwed up cycle…The ACLU needs to shut up! You break the law, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS! I am off the soapbox now.
I am a fool to keep thinking that my daughter might have a really good life without any problems. I am much more scared than worried. I wonder how anyone ever gets over this. I won’t be able to send her off to college one day without dying the next day from an ulcer! So besides the Flikr photos, I am NOT posting any more pics of me or the little one…unless it is REALLY necessary, which I am sure it won’t be.

Here is Mondays funny...Thanks Dad!

Prison vs. work

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time
in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK you spend most of your time in a
6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and
you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior
with more work.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the
doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card
and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and
playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends
to visit.
AT WORK you cannot even speak to your family
and friends.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers
with no work required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go
to work and then they deduct taxes from your
salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking
through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting
to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON there are wardens who are often
sadistic.
AT WORK they are called managers.

Here is an email from a friend.

Living in 2005... YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends ...you know you want to!

Okay they forgot to put in there that you spell words with single letters instead of spelling it out…That makes me nuts. The cell phone thing, #8…so true. But I wish that I had a #6…I carry all of the groceries alone. Then I hate to make two trips so I just load them all up my arms so I don’t have to go back outside. I guess most people just call that laziness...well, they are right.

My dad sent this to me in an email and it was found between Orlando and Titusville...I used to live in Titusville! It was in someones backyard. 13 foot Alligator. Holy Crap! It is a sad picture, but I might have shot it too if it was in my backyard!

It is SO great having my dad here!!!!! But I am so damn busy lately that I CAN’T find anything funny anymore. I have made such a disciplined schedule for Maxine and I that I have no free time for me-except when it is time to sleep-then I am having trouble doing that…so I read and fall into the story and wish I was there.

One funny thing…we are doing out weeks spelling words and the are dig, pig, pin, win, pick and kick…so I say to her this morning while waiting in the doctors office that we are going to do spelling words…(she has strep throat)

Me-“Okay Max…spell pick for me.”
Max-: Um, p…i…c…k?”
Me- “Good! Now, dig…”
Max-“Um…d…i…ck?” (LOUDLY)
Me- (wishing the floor would swallow us…) “NO, no you spelled dic…um…never mind what that spells, it doesn’t MATTER…dig is spelled d-i-g…lets do this at home!”

That was funny. Well it wasn’t too terribly funny there but as I am writing it now it is hilarious to me. So Max and I are home for the day. She needs to rest and I went and bought her Sunny D, 4 HUGE freeze pops and 2 doughnuts…Am I a cool mom or what? And she had a large glass of juice, BOTH doughnuts, 1 freeze pop and I am expecting her to relax now. Am I a stupid mom now or what? So she is bouncing off the walls watching television and here I am finally able to post on my blog again…

So, school meeting was about how my lovely daughter is a #1 a chatterbox. (Hard to imagine where that comes from.) #2 she interrupts the teacher by blurting things out and not raising her hand. (Again where does THAT come from?) And #3 She does not take her time to do the quality work she is supposed to. She hurries to just get it done. UGH! It was ALL MY FAULT, I know. BUT WE ARE WORKING ON IT!!! It is sooooo much easier to be a slacker than a responsible parent I tell you. There is no one here to back me up on stuff and it just seems easier to say yes and not scream. But, if I would have been a hard ass early on, I wouldn’t be having this problem now would I? So, now I am the bitchy hard ass mom who that when she says no…by asking me thirteen hundred more times won’t change my mind! You ask the second time after I say no and now you are in trouble! That has been my delima. So I won’t be on here much anymore sine I now have to raise a “responsible citizen”…I thought the television was helping me with that but noooooo…that is a joke-I think that was funny! I am feeling better already just posting this…Thank you blogger people! = )

Life is not what I expected it to be. I really thought it was going to be easier. I wonder if my parents thought that too. I will ask them today…there my blogger question…is life harder than you thought it would be? Did you think that when you were in your teens that you had the world by the tail like I did? Sometimes reality does suck.