Silly Answers To Serious Questions

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins
"Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytalebegins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."