Vindicated...Hope dangles on a string...

Aww, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Such a cute movie-my friend (hiccup) told me a long time ago. I just remembered it since I LOST THE DAMN MOVIE! (that’s a story for another day) That movie would be cute-but that shit DOES NOT HAPPEN!
I was thinking that I always attract the wrong guy. Well, maybe not attract them, I just can “pick” them. So for future reference…here is a small list for myself so I can remember whom to NOT pick…

#1-The Married Man-LIARS! Scott Peterson. I don’t think I need to type anything else for the married man?

#2-The Divorced Man that was “Married to a bitch” OH NO! I have to say that if a man is divorced and says that about his ex wife that 97.9% of the time it was HIS FAULT that they are divorced! I can name 10 guys right now that are divorced and only 2 of them have a valid reason to call the ex a “bitch” (these are usually the guys that will beat you down verbally and then physically if you stay long enough…)

#3- The Player-aka Pretty Boy. Oh they will TELL you that you are the only one and you are the girl they were looking for-UNTIL THEY GET YOUR PANTIES OFF! Then (and please excuse the pun…) they are off like a prom dress!

#4-The Artist-Usually loads of fun but, they only love themselves and get bored easily- (and apparently I am boring…)

#5-The Used Car salesman/manager-DO I NEED SAY MORE???-They are only interested in the best deal and newest one coming in behind you…

#6-The Stalker-The guy you WISH would leave you alone but will not. These guys usually then break into your house-takes your stuff-panties, pictures, etc…and follow you around and call you 100 times and hang up! God bless caller id and call block! = )

Now these are the guys I am attracted to somehow…if I happen to get one that is not in any of these categories-I then turn into cellophane and CLING to them! I am like white on rice- (or use your own analogy) I suffocate any chance I could have had at any normal relationship. Oh well, then there is the one who got away…I will save my “I really thought he was the one for me” for a future post. At the rate I am going lately-I would welcome all except a #2 again-I usually get them and I am DONE WITH THEM!

***LEGAL DISCLAIMER***
I AM LUMPING THE GUYS I KNOW INTO THESE CATAGORIES AS I SEE FIT FOR THEM-DO NOT THINK I AM PUTTING ALL MEN THERE. THANK YOU TO WHOM EVER THIS PISSES OFF!!!

Just a few funnies this morning.

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

It's like cleaning the house before the cleaning ladies get there...

Okay then…it has been another one of those days…it actually started off okay and then just like that BAM!!! It went all out of control…it is nothing big either, just small stupid things that I think of...

It has been years since I have had sex-good or bad I totally DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER the last time I HAD IT so MAYBE THAT IS WHY I am SO frustrated! Just a thought-That I might be sexually frustrated, yeah, probably. My daughter wanted some pop rocks at the store and I thought about how I once gave my boyfriend head with pop rocks-now what NORMAL person would think something like that when their kid asks for candy-well, since you asked, a sexually frustrated one that’s who.

Speaking of sex…the guy I so dig who is in Florida, (name rhymes with hiccup…) emailed me last night! I am so going to call him! -Not. I just melt when he looks at me and he always had to talk to me for something and half of the time I couldn’t stand it! I told him he made me weak in the knees and he didn’t get it…he does now though…we are just friends and I am cool with that because who knows when I will be back in Florida to see him and I doubt that his wife would like to know I have fantasies about her husband…if he is ever divorced-holy shit look out-I will hurt him! I will make him scream out the names of women he hasn’t even met yet!
“Come on baby get your shoes on. You’re looking like you need a rescue-underneath the southern moonlight where only I can find you.”

My “girls” are sunburned…I couldn’t stop scratching them today and let me tell you-it felt good! I was wondering though, if people could see me the front window-were they wondering why I was rubbing my breasts? WHO CARES! I also wore regular underwear today-MISTAKE! Besides the boob scratching-I was fondling myself to pull the underwear out of my ass. Thong underwear are the way to go-they are up there and any old way you turn them will not matter so leave them up there! With regular panties-UGH! I should have just yanked them up my ass too. Well, I did that and it felt like I was being gagged with a bed sheet! -NOT that I would know what that felt like-just the analogy to give you the BIG picture. (As if anyone needed it…)

So, I often ride my bike to work…I am only a mile away so…I mean I live in Buffalo-how hot can it get right-well I have been driving for the past weeks because of the 90 degree weather-anyway, did I not tell you about my perfect step sister? (See entry same old conversation for step sister) Well, the bike I have was going to-then NOT going to be for her, I ended up with it and LOVE it. I have two bikes-the new one-one is my moms that has a HUGE metal basket on the back—(insert music from the Wizard of Oz now and picture the wicked witch “I’ll get you-AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!!!”) So, I have been cruising on the Oz bike because #1-the chain on the new bike was slipping and I have been to lazy to fix it-#2 the baskets carry A LOT of my shit that I need for work such as lunch, purse, late library books, well, perfect stepsister who didn’t want the bike before I was riding it-now wants it-she wants to finally put perfect son on perfect new bike with her newly purchased (or present from friend) baby bike seat and ride into the sunset on a pleasantly perfect day!!! Sure I have two but one is not mine-I thought that the new one was-but I know how women are-minds change like the wind. I guess I will be happy with moms bike…yeah, I am jealous…WHATEVER! It must be the lack of sexual intercourse. Maybe it is just the people who live here. Their shoes and belts and purses ALWAYS match. WHAT is up with THAT? I only own like 3 belts. I have a brown one, and two black ones! One is for dress pants-MIND you black ones only-and the other black one is for whatever I want-same with the brown. I mean the people here have purple, red, orange, light blue, navy blue, GREEN…I am lucky if both of my socks match when I leave the house! Everyone here is ALWAYS perfectly color coordinated from their sandals to their hats! No shit-I wish I had money like that to buy the extras! They walk around with their Coach handbags and Burberry diaper bags that cost hundreds of dollars-their California Closets hold, maintain, and organize all of their wonderful things…again, am I jealous…FUCKING A RIGHT I AM!!! What am I going to do when my daughter wants hundred dollar shoes? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SHOES I CAN GET FOR HER FOR A HUNDRED AT PAYLESS OR WALMART????? I can’t think of this anymore…I am about to self-combust…

I am worth $1,523,668 on HumanForSale.com

Awww, how bad does that stink??? Not worth that much now am I??? Found this little didy on casual friday-oh, he is funny too-rolling on the floor and crying I was laughing so hard...

Libary was good...she is good...I am tired with NOTHING fun or funny to write...

Mad cow disease...yeah, you know if I was a cow being raised for beef...I'D BE FUCKING MAD TOO!!!!!

Gotta go and put my steak on the grill...

It's just one of those days...MONDAY!

I am off to the libary because it is "Monday I am used to having school and libary today so we need to go to the public libary MOOOOOMMMMMM!" She has asked me 9,000 times now! So I am off...more later if I do not kill myself...




***LEGAL DISCLAIMER***
I would never kill myself-or my daughter-she just asks me for things sometimes OVER & OVER & OVER & I want to snatch her up and scream-BUT I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!

***I am waiting until she is a teenager-I might get off then...JOKING!***

Little sister syndrome...

**Had a picture of my sister here-she found out and HAD A FIT!!!!!-I removed it.***

My sister said it was vain of me to have my photo up on my blog for everyone to see me & it was a bit stuck-up. So now I have yellow tulips. My favorite flower in my favorite color...I am tired...going to hang with the baby tonight and eat popcorn and watch Disney...I am also publishing a photo of my sister tonight HA! Wait until she finds THAT!

Ain't she pretty though? This is the only way I can get her back for being mean to me all of those years just because she was older. Who is laughing NOW? Love Ya big sis!

DIY...just it's at Mom's

Well this will probably be my last post today or for whole weekend-Mom is having a party Sunday and needs my help with house cleaning and just gofering all around! Last time she did something like this she told me to remind her that she never wants to do another! OOPS for her! Maxine will be in the pool the whole weekend as usual-I will get all of my laundry done! *sigh* NOT that I had any plans though-DARNIT! Not like I would have told her "NO I am busy" either! God bless all you blogger people and have a SUPER weekend!!!!! = )

Ain't it the truth!

Just got this email from my friend in Florida...here I am screwing off at work AGAIN!

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with more vitamins. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener a her her making the 'woo-woo' sound. >>> Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Thanks Erin...aka GC

Because of Erin... So, as you can see I took this quiz...How corny is that? Why couldn't I be BATMAN!!! I do believe that me screwing around here at work is called waste, fraud and abuse...I do not usually do this...

Alrighty then...Yes, I am at work. The boss is not in yet. I was getting ready this morning with make up, shaving, hair-the whole package-then I wondered-WHY DO I DO IT??? I never see anyone, I don't go anywhere but here, I doubt I will EVER meet any one...I do not know why I bother maybe it is because I like to (breaking out into song now...) I Feel pretty-oh so pretty-oh so pretty & witty & gay...(gay meaning happy like in the 40's & 50's-NOT as in I want to eat snatch I mean I have my own why do I want to see another one? I NEED...nevermind...)

I keep changing my blog like I move furinature around-every few weeks...Please feel free to comment if you like it...HA HA HA

I want a tee shirt to wear when I am jogging that says "BOMB SQUAD-If you see me running-PLEASE try and keep up!" I saw it in an email and I need to have one made up...maybe I will try this weekend...

Gotta give this cat his props! Bravo Mr. McCoy! = )

***IMPORTANT!***A MUST READ!***CHECK OUT LINK TO STORY BELOW!!!***

This has to be the best one yet!!! I am laughing my ass off!! This is what should be taught in sex ed classes EVERYWHERE! I firmly believe while girls are learning about periods and organs and shit, guys are being taught the art of turning EVERY issue and argument around so it always ends up the womans fault…AM I RIGHT GIRLS?
Read this awesome piece by Matthew McCoy from the phat phree; or click on "upkeep" for full story.

"Upkeep
It takes me approximately thirty minutes to get ready; from the moment my toes are reluctantly withdrawn from their nest under the feathers to the time I walk out the door. And I'm an admitted pretty boy. I once shared an apartment with a girl who took THREE HOURS to get herself into a viewable state. She'd go into the bathroom and come out one moonphase later having undergone a John Travolta to Nicholas Cage, Face Off-like transformation. And she was pretty. The hair, the makeup, the shaving of everything but the soles of their feet and the palms of their hands, the eyebrow tweezing, the upper lip waxing....IT'S ENDLESS. The upkeep necessary to be a girl is utterly daunting. I can't believe agoraphobia isn't more prevalent amongst the female gender.

The Very Existence of the Douche
Laughing too hard to type. The word "douche" alone absolutely kills me. However, the topic makes me very uncomfortable and if you ever happen to come across one, RUN. Remaining in the same neck of the woods (pun absolutely intended)...

Menstruation
It freaks me out, man. As if hemorrhaging from a reproductive organ wasn't enough, this once a month nightmare is accompanied by cramps and bloating. It's pregnancy's equivalent to spring training. Or even the fire drill. The body is trying to prepare the woman in tiny doses for how miserable she's going to feel when she really is pregnant.

Poopless
Because girls don't poop (shutup, I firmly believe this), they'll never know the satisfaction of a good one. Boy are they missing out."

My liverwurst has a first name...

Nothing too funny came across the desk today. Well, except these stickers! OH HOW I WISH I HAD SOME OF THESE STICKERS FOR ALL THE CUSTOMERS SOMETIMES!!!!!

Espically the I'll be nicer when your smarter" If I only had a nickel for all of the times I thought that! Uh oh, I wonder how many people have thought that about me too? *oops*





I DO NOT CARE what is going on today-just that this really made me laugh-read item below and then scroll over to link to her site below…

So we sang those instead. And the church lesson to take away from all of this, obviously, is hey kids! BUCK THE FUCK UP! Life is hard and mostly sucks, and when Daddy dies from frostbite and Mama has to marry another man who already has three other wives? What do we do? SING!

I suppose if you read it all by itself it doesn’t sound so good-but BELIEVE me it is HILARIOUS when you read everything she wrote! You should all read it well anyone out there who hapens along this should read it

So yeah I emailed my daughters teacher about the “lost” note. We will see if I get a reply. I am not expecting on soon-I mean it was her first day of summer break too-like she would be in school today! At least I hope not!
Baby girl had a good day today, even though it is not over yet, so far it has been good.

Well, being that I am in the accounting field-I thought this was cute-somehow explainable-but cute nun the less. So I am sharing...
Your Age by Chocolate Math
This is pretty neat!
Check it out....
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.......
Work this out as you read...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5. (for Sunday)

4... Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator.................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755....
If you haven't, add 1754....

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number...


The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).


The next two numbers are .........



YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.


My keybooardd is dying-am done for the night before I throw it.....................

Yes it is true...I sound just like my mother

*sigh*...to be young again without a care in the world-no make up-no creams to make stuff "firmer" I used to think I had it made...Then my reality check bounced and I could REALLY REALLY smell the coffee...and it was BURNING!

Welcome to the big time... = )

Look at all of my frigging grey hair!!! = ( It sticks out like a turd in a punch bowl now!

***Deleted Photo of Daughter***
At the house-you should have seen her when she was done-ice cream everywhere!

***Deleted Photo***
Leaving the ice cream store-about to get run off of the road by the militians

NOBODY KNOWS...

I have had a totally fucking shity ass day and NOTHING can fix it! Except maybe this phat phree article-oh I laughed my ass of-but then it was over and I have to deal with the no school delima and the "I just do NOT fit in" issue I have with this aera bullshit-I took the kid for ice cream (as shown in post above) and almost get mowed down by a light blue Honda full of Iraqui terriosts, well I think that they were and looked like they were and shit didn't the suicide bombers live right HERE in Buff-a-ho? Yes, I do believe that they did-well some new ones tried to run me the hell off the road!!!!! UGH!-Now back to what I was saying...last day of school and my kid says she lost a letter to me from the teacher on the bus-NO I AM NOT KIDDING! FUCKING SHIT! NOW what do I fucking do????? I will just wait out this fucking full moon tonight and PRAY that it will be over by tomorrow and I will make a plan then...for now...I am outta here and up to my bed!!!!!!! I will also pray that my toilet tounge of a mouth will stop fucking cussing!

Random thoughts on a terribly gray morning

Isn’t it super that they found the 11year old that was lost in the Utah Mountains? Thank the Lord! The power of prayer really does work if you ask me!

I have not had my adequate/necessary 27 cups of coffee yet this morning…
I am wicked tired…
My gall bladder is acting up-damnit! I want to keep it!
I did not purchase the Janet Evanovich novel that came out yesterday…(doing that today)
My daughters last day of school is today for summer break…(yeah!)
I really miss my dad & friends from Florida that I don’t talk to anymore…
I am a bit cold…
I am still tired-um did I say that already…?
I will NOT wear a bicycle helmet! : See below…
I get all of that “do as I say not as I do” shit, but let me tell you-I am a klutz, I can trip over lint on the carpet and I have been riding a bike for YEARS now and never cracked my head open-I am NOT going to wear a helmet let alone BUY a helmet for myself! Nope, NOT doing it! I can’t listen to my music if I have one on and I am NOT giving that up either! Call me stupid-WHATEVER! You won’t be seeing me with a helmet on EVER! Just felt like that needed to be said in my present slumber-ry condition!

It is Maxine’s last day of school. She is so excited! Just wait until she is bored over the next three months! Now, speaking of the summer…do I put her in the summer program that costs 145.00 a week or the one that costs 128.00 a week…HOLY CRAP! Does anyone else pay this kind of money??? I have not signed her up for anything because it is so expensive! I am in the land of milk and honey up her where it apparently flows freely to everyone but me! I would be better to leave her in aftercare-I don’t want to do that! I am going to have to juggle some SERIOUS funds to put her in summer camp!

I am the only one in the family that is not married…not that it is an issue with me-I just know (or feel) that people look down on me because I am not. I would rather rent than buy anyway! I really do not want a man anytime soon and I know it might be too late for me if I ever do and oh well if that happens. I do miss having a man at times to tell me everything will be okay when shit gets me down-but it has been years since I have had a man and I think I am doing well coping with it all by myself! Oops-I do not want to be thinking of that! There are some new wedding photos I just saw and I am feeling a bit lonely-I am okay now…

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Okay, I am connected to Flickr now...I think um, and hope! Flickr ROCKS! = ) Now anyone-(even though no one is out there...) can see my pictures...just go to side bar and click on my pictures...if it does not work...I SUCK at this but I am trying! ha ha ha...

The same old conversation over & over...

I have not been here in a while because I have been crazy busy-but if you were to ask me right now with what I would have to say I don’t know! How goofy is that?

Happy Fathers’ Day to my daddy (even though he won't be reading this-) & everyone out there-yeah yeah I am late I know-happy fathers’ day to me too since Maxine’s daddy is L-O-N-G gone. (Thank heavens) Spent fathers day with my mom and step dad at my stepsister’s house. Did I mention she is prefect? Big beautiful perfect house, perfect hair, perfect food for us to consume, semi perfect husband, (he is a lawyer and makes lots of money-could it get any worse?) can anyone see that I am a bit jealous? She is so darn nice too-makes me crazy sometimes-I wonder if she has faults? Oh she is like the perfect stay at home mom too-and has little perfect son too! Oh he is a cutie pie! Oh well, I am sure-even though it seems like it is, it is not all peaches and cream over at the perfect house either!

Some of the people who live where I live are snobs! Mostly the people I have met that are in class with my daughter-no one wants to talk to me or make friends with me…But then again as I said this to my mom she asked if I was trying to make friends with them and I am not…But they don’t try to talk to me and when I try I usually get a nervous nod or yes or a laugh. Well, who the hell am I to judge them right? It is just a feeling I get and my step dad confirmed that a lot of people here are snobby-I better learn to deal with it I suppose! I will just stay away and keep to myself like I usually do. Oh and I am sure that I won’t be talking to the ladies at the bus stop anymore since school will be out on Wednesday-TOMORROW! They are nice but I think they just talk to me out of politeness because I am at the bus stop with them-then I talk too much because of my nervous talking habit!

Well, I didn’t go to the father/daughter dance…She wanted to go to the movies instead! I wasted 12 bucks on a ticket to-that darn dance too! We went and saw Madagascar! It was cute-Maxine informed me that we can go to the dance next year…We will see!

I was on the phone Sunday night with my sister for 2 hours-Thank heaven for free weekends! She is a crack up! We were discussing “bad words.” We lived in a house where we did not take the Lord’s name in vain because you would go to hell-or so I believed, -and still sort of do. I do not say G-damn; I do throw out the f-bomb a lot though. I can use that word in all 8 parts of speech!!!!! (Verb, adverb, noun pronoun-you get it. *Stole that line from my dads girlfriend! She is too funny!)) But shit, damn, bastard, asshole, these were acceptable bad words-or my moms favorite when something was really bad-Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Well the other day I was with mom and she said “Oh, Jesus” because something happened and I said, “Don’t forget Mary and Joseph.” Well I am 35 and I got a smack in the arm for that one! And I do believe a “Don’t be smart with me!” When I told my sister this, she could not stop laughing-her 11 year old came in the room and told her to breathe!

My 13 year old nephew is actively searching for this site…My sister told him he could not read it because there was X rated material on it-mind you she does not even know where it is! So I am sure Jacob will find it because #1 his mom told him NO and #2 he is a computer wiz!!!!! Oh so HI JAKIE!!!!! You little monster-when you DO find me-email me with the title of my blog and I will send you 20 bucks! I promise!

My sister emailed me this site-how cool is that that a lawyer is getting on the bandwagon for bloggers? How un cool is it that there is a big market out there for these guys so they are going to either #1 charge an ASS LOAD of money when a fellow blogger needs help or #2 start with the oh so annoying commercials telling us that they are out there and they are here to only help us…blah blah blah…I am going with the assumption that they are going to do BOTH!!!

Come on man...

Tom Cruise Proposes to Katie Holmes
"Holmes said then that she was embracing Scientology — Cruise's religion. The former star of television's "Dawson's Creek" grew up with a poster of Cruise on her bedroom wall and has said she grew up wanting to marry him."
WLL SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL HELP ALREADY?! She is going to lose herself in this man and now be know as Tom Cruise's girl-AND I DO MEAN GIRL! Sure love is love and knows no age limit I agree-but with all this media and hoopla she is losing HER identity! Now with "his" religion? What was "her" religion and what is wrong with it that she has to change to his? NOTHING is wrong with her religion I bet you-so why is she leaving it...Man Michael Stipe is playing in my head now hard! Oh whatever-someone save Katie already and intervention or SOMETHING!!!!!

When it is good to stop posting at & about work...

WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT!!!!!

Legal status unclear <-- great now they bring lawyers in...geeze!
"Heather Armstrong was fired in February 2002 by the Los Angeles-based software firm where she worked after venting online about the company on her blog, dooce.com. Some excerpts from her blog: Take a two-hour lunch: one hour for the bean burrito, one hour for the nap in the front seat of your car.
Reasons I should not be allowed to work from home:Too many cushiony horizontal surfaces prime for nappage. ... I can lie down underneath my desk, and no one is going to know. No one.Her case garnered attention and put the blogging world on notice. UrbanDictionary.com now defines "dooced" as losing your job for something you wrote on your online blog."

Heather Armstrong is dooce.com Oh my, funny funny! go read! She is going on my favorites!

Brad & Jen-were they not the prettiest couple?
Okay so I watched Primetime Live on Tuesday night. Yes, because Brad Pitt was on. WOW, You know I really had no idea that it cost so little to help the people in Ethiopia! I am a single mother-I mean I live paycheck to paycheck like a lot of people. I have a strict budget that I live by. I don’t get morning coffee at Starbucks, because I can't afford to. I eat breakfast at home and I pack my lunch. I do splurge on a movie trip once a month with my daughter because I work it into the budget. I shop at Wal Mart and Save a Lot because anywhere I can save money I am going to…I can certainly scrounge up $16.00! That is all it cost to send a kid to school there and WE can start to end the poverty for them! Anyone out there reading go to this site ONE.org, see what it is about and sign this petition for the president! It does not cost a thing to sign the petition. That is all we need to do for starters! Then if you want to send something, it is not a lot of money, only 16 dollars for a year, and if I can put 16 dollars into my budget anyone can! I mean $16.00 FOR A YEAR. Like they said on TV, that is the price of a cd, send the money to help someone out. Or if you don’t buy cd’s, pack a lunch instead of buying your lunch for a few days! I can skip that movie trip for one month. I can explain it to my daughter and she will understand. WE CAN DO IT!!!!! Go check out the ONE site! It explains it all…GO GO GO!!!

School Play

School Play…
If this doesn't make you laugh, there is absolutely no hope for your day!
Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot. "Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words...
"My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap.
"The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, bull shit...
I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...
The audience left howling.

Okay, so Mike got me thinking about how movies touch our lives and how we can live vicariously through films. Well, I am that way with music. I LOVE MUSIC. I grew up listening to Mozart and Haydn. I did not like it then, but now I can really appreciate it. I used to clean the house to Vivaldi. I dig all kinds of music and how some songs just touch my soul-how I feel that they were written for me or about me. So, I will put down some lyrics I like-and anyone out there, if you want to-“Holla’ Back” (<-- Gwen Stefani) I won’t put anything by Alanis Morissette because I WOULD HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING! There are so many more songs, I am just thinking of these few for now…
Lisa Loeb “Fools Like Me”
But I did, I can, I was, I am only human, living, dying
Just like any fool who ever breathed
If love is blind, if love's a drug,
it always is, it always was
And love was surely made for fools like me
Maybe it's the sanest thing
Or just the sweetest kind of dream
But love was surely made for fools
Love was surely made for fools, love was surely made for fools
Love was surely made for fools, love was surely made for fools like me

Anna Nalick “Breathe”
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe

Default “Sick & Tired” (<-- ROCKIN’ song!!!)
You've taken these things that belong to me
Twisted so tightly and torn so carefully
The last time it ends with just you and I
Alone in a room with these torn bed sheets
I can see what you see, and it ain't worth it to me
The same old conversation over and over and over
I'm just sick and tired of those lies you tell me
You say those same things to me over and over and over
It's safe to say you're surprised, I see right through you this time
But I keep telling you it's over it's over it's over


No Doubt “Bathwater”
So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying'
Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I'm on your list with all your other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love anotherI can't help it...you're my kind of man

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson...

Wow, I am sad Anne Bancroft is no longer with us. She was AWSOME in Malice with Nicole Kidman...& of course, The Graduate. She was married to Mel Brooks, I had forgotten that. He must feel awful. They were married for 40 years. I bet they kept eachother laughing. I want a guy like Mel brooks, someone who can always make me laugh...

Silent Witness...

I can not imagine this-it is still hard for me to believe at times that this stuff REALLY happened. I bitch about such trivial things, I need to be thankful that I have what I have and didn't have to live through this horror...

Okay, so now I am addicted to Zaba Search. I am looking up all the people I know now and people I have lost contact with.

One person I am trying to find I used to date…He was my first RHB love. (red headed boy) He moved away and I went to visit him in Oklahoma about a year after he moved. He went to college there and got a girlfriend who threw everything pertaining to me away. I called his dorm and she answered and told me that they would be studying and I should NOT call back, I didn’t. Oh well, I know where his brother is and works. His brother is a doctor and practices by my sister in St. Louis. I don’t have the guts to call him-or to even leave a message! So, I will sit around wondering-it might be best that way-I am sure he is married with some kids. But it is fun to fantasize about what I would do if I saw him…BECKY! His girlfriends name was Becky, I just remembered! I also remembered that they got in an argument and she broke his collarbone! I saw him in St. Louis in the mid 1990’s. He was living in Chicago doing his apprentice architect work. We had dinner and a long night out-we went and saw his brother-I have not heard from him since. We were such good friends-I mean so he didn’t have to move my mom said he could have lived with us…His mom said HELL NO. She was not fond of me…I wonder how she is…(Sigh) I sometimes make myself crazier than I normally am. An architect and a doctor, my father made a joke that there is good sperm in that family. (HA HA HA)

Okay, still new to the area around here, went for a run/walk last night, and, um, I got lost. Ran past this guys house twice (both ways so actually four times) and I swear he was laughing at me! I should have said Dude, give me a damn ride! Or, have you never seen anyone lost before? I mean he was a man so he should have understood about not asking for directions! I found my way though. I went an extra mile too! I was jamming to Nickelback and singing-well not OUT LOUD! That would have been wrong and I would have made any dogs out howl. That’s that, I got lost, so what right?

I taught my daughter to swim last year, all by herself in the deep end. She did okay in Florida but she had a suit with floaters in it that helped her. I taught her to swim under and hold her breath last summer and she is doing so well already this year! Everyone here is sending their kids to swimming lessons. I CAN’T AFFORD THAT! I didn't have lessons, it was swim or sink. (just kidding, my dad taught me!) She wanted to go to the lessons…She is okay with the fact that I don’t have the money to send her. She is a good kid, except for the sometimes smart mouth and the constant questioning. She answers a question with a question. I can’t stand that! I know that is the least of my worries…I hate to think that she won’t like me when she is older-that we will fight. I sure hope that we don’t. I will pray about it-that’s all I can do! My mom and I were always close, I just want that kind of relationship with her. Time will tell...

Happy Happy Birthday to my big sister Nicole!!!

You might be a redneck if...

Okay, I lived in Florida for several of years-my family moved around a lot. I even dated a few rednecks- so please, anyone who might take offense at reading this, it is just a joke! (But DAMN funny huh?)

Redneck Sexual IQ Test
A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
Fetus is a character on Gun smoke. True or False
An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False

Public Service Announcement...Funny Funny!

Oh how true is all of this? I laughed my ass off...

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a Wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never ever get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys’ cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand The Male.

Royal RHB...Eye Candy.

(In case pic does not show, click on his name)
Prince Harry. Young RHB. I do think Diana would be proud. I wonder if Erin thinks he is a hottie too? (aka gigglechick) She taught me the Red Headed Boy term, hence the RHB He is only almost 21 I just read! Yikes, do I need to cruise the colleges up here to find a hot RHB? I doubt I will be doing that! But DANG, he is nice to look at is he not? = P

That's it!

Okay, I have changed this blog about 20 times now-I am happy with this one! I am NOT going to change it again! Well that is a lie, I will only change it to update blogs or links I like!

Now what do we have here...I just want to know...if this stuff does work, how much smoother & nicer will your hands look when you put it on??? Just like that cream they used to advertise that if you put it on your breasts, they would get larger...So, again I ask, how much bigger will your hands get?
GIMMIE A BREAK ALREADY!!!!!

***DELETED PHOTO***
Maxine & I last year! She was MAD-Can't you tell-look at that expression! = P

Oh boy...

Okay, my baby got off the bus yesterday & gave me a flyer she & all of the girls at school received. It was a flyer about the father/daughter dance. She said to me, “Mom, I told Emily, I don’t even have a dad…” These are the moments that make me so damn sad. We are up here in NY now and I don’t have any male friends here that are not already going. The neighbor would take her but he & his wife are going to Atlanta, I know this because she asked him. So, I told her that I would go with her-if she wanted & I would dress like a man-she said okay. So I will wear a suit. There is nothing I can do for her to make her understand what an ass her dad was. He was abusive to me & I didn’t want her to be around that-we never married-so I left him when she was 11 months old. He served me papers stating he was suing me for paternity rights. One day, almost a year later, he finally just decided to sign off custody, um, it was Nov. 22, 2000, she had just turned two. It was the day before thanksgiving, I was so thankful! So, I have a lifetime restraining order and he has tried to contact me through friends to no avail. I guess he is sorry now & he DAMN WELL should be. I am very glad and I know one day she will want to meet him and I will find him somehow for her-I just hope he isn’t still an ass. I want to say nasty things about him to her but I know that will just make me look bad. The scary part is the nasty stuff is the truth. The only way to explain that is mommy was stupid! But I don’t tell her that-yet. Does he miss her? How could he know what he is missing? He has other kids now, so maybe he does? But he will never know how she did need him in certain ways…like for this dance for starters. Then there was when I taught her how to ride her bike & I got frustrated because I thought that dads were better at it & I told her I was sorry for not being such a good teacher & she said “That’s okay if you are not because you are a real good mom.” I LOST it. I hugged her and told her how cool she was. I am glad he is not here so I don’t have to share her-I am just so sad for her…She does not even care that he is not around most of the time. I am so blessed with her-I just hope I can still say that when she is a teenager! The dance is June 17th. I hope nobody makes fun of her because she will be with me. I guess that I will have to teach her how to deal with mean people. How to try not to let them bother you-or let them see that they are bothering you. Most important too is NOT to be mean to others. Life can be so tough for kids, shoot even for me some days! More later, I have a lot to do.