Oh boy...

Okay, my baby got off the bus yesterday & gave me a flyer she & all of the girls at school received. It was a flyer about the father/daughter dance. She said to me, “Mom, I told Emily, I don’t even have a dad…” These are the moments that make me so damn sad. We are up here in NY now and I don’t have any male friends here that are not already going. The neighbor would take her but he & his wife are going to Atlanta, I know this because she asked him. So, I told her that I would go with her-if she wanted & I would dress like a man-she said okay. So I will wear a suit. There is nothing I can do for her to make her understand what an ass her dad was. He was abusive to me & I didn’t want her to be around that-we never married-so I left him when she was 11 months old. He served me papers stating he was suing me for paternity rights. One day, almost a year later, he finally just decided to sign off custody, um, it was Nov. 22, 2000, she had just turned two. It was the day before thanksgiving, I was so thankful! So, I have a lifetime restraining order and he has tried to contact me through friends to no avail. I guess he is sorry now & he DAMN WELL should be. I am very glad and I know one day she will want to meet him and I will find him somehow for her-I just hope he isn’t still an ass. I want to say nasty things about him to her but I know that will just make me look bad. The scary part is the nasty stuff is the truth. The only way to explain that is mommy was stupid! But I don’t tell her that-yet. Does he miss her? How could he know what he is missing? He has other kids now, so maybe he does? But he will never know how she did need him in certain ways…like for this dance for starters. Then there was when I taught her how to ride her bike & I got frustrated because I thought that dads were better at it & I told her I was sorry for not being such a good teacher & she said “That’s okay if you are not because you are a real good mom.” I LOST it. I hugged her and told her how cool she was. I am glad he is not here so I don’t have to share her-I am just so sad for her…She does not even care that he is not around most of the time. I am so blessed with her-I just hope I can still say that when she is a teenager! The dance is June 17th. I hope nobody makes fun of her because she will be with me. I guess that I will have to teach her how to deal with mean people. How to try not to let them bother you-or let them see that they are bothering you. Most important too is NOT to be mean to others. Life can be so tough for kids, shoot even for me some days! More later, I have a lot to do.