My Favorite Email Joke Of All Time...(so far-in blue)

Childrens books that didn’t make the cut…

1. You Are Different, and That’s Bad.
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegtables.
3.Dad’s New Wife Robert.
4. Fun Four Letter Words TO Know And Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I Can Do It Book
6. The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and The High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens CAN Fly
12. That’s It, I Am Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets A Casket
14. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have The Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were An Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. POP! Goes The Hamster-And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in The Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like To Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. When It Rains, It is God Crying Over Something You Did

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?"Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve... we have forbidden fruit!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know." said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would bea piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: “TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!