Bloody Mondays...

EVERY Monday I bitch about something or other...and because of Scotty Gee not today. Today I will just keep it to myself and be a bit of a blog whore and comment to all of my favorite blogger friends... Oh and now I am gonna tell you a little story that I told my blog friend. So, this girl, I am sure you all know her…she asked a question about most embarrassing moments and I couldn’t help but tell my story. So now for some weird reason…I am going to share it with you all…

AND DAD...TRUST ME…YOU DO NOT REALLY WANT TO READ ANYMORE OF THIS STORY…AND IF YOU DO…I will tell you now in case you ask…yes, it was the guy you called the “little bow legged mother fucker” to mom…

Well, my boyfriend and I went to see his dad who was staying in Gainesville, FL with a good friend of his…they went out for something and his house was really neat. He had one wall that was a BIG mirror with a really cool frame. The boyfriend and I were sitting there in front of the mirror and he thought it would be cool if he could watch me give him a blowjob…so I did and it was funny to watch and he had the bright idea to go in the bathroom and get it on real quick…so AGAIN I agreed to this and he had me bent over the toilet in A STRANGERS house and don’t you know the guy comes home and STRAIGHT FOR THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!! I was NEVER more embarrassed in my whole life. The guy opens the door and sees us and says, “Oh, excuse me…” real uncomfortable like and closes the door. I looked at boyfriend who was laughing and said “GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!!!” Boyfriend says “Be cool, its alright.” I was shaking and ends up we had to have dinner with the whole family. I could only look at my food all night. I kept thinking this man would always remember me getting hammered “doggie style” over his toilet. So we were leaving and everyone was saying goodbye and the guy ruffled the top of my head and said, “It’s okay.” And gave me a hug. Now I thought that everyone at the table knew of my disaster and a few years later we (the boyfriend and I) were in Sarasota, FL at his dads place and his dad mentions this guys name…boyfriend says to me, (insert laughter) “I bet he remembers you!” I said (insert shock) “SHUT UP!” Father says, “What, do you not like him, he is a really good guy.” Boyfriend says, “Dad, didn’t he tell you what happened when we were in Gainesville last time?” I again say, “SHUT UP!” Dad says, “NO, tell me what happened.” So boyfriend tells WHOLE damn story and makes it look like I WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED IT ALL! So it was a LONG-standing joke between us and still is…who was the one who actually initiated the blowjob…
So there is mine…I think I win…HA HA HA HA

I can’t believe I posted that…if CR knew…he’d be proud. He was a player. He and I always had fun together. I learned A LOT about life from him. Plus, he was ALWAYS GOOD for a booty call! I wish he was around now to help me with my frustrated-ness.

Here are some funnies for today

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class,"And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said,"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake the barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."